You hate to be Wisconsin. You really do.
Just when Indiana men’s basketball looked like it wouldn’t win another game unless a middle school junior varsity team somehow popped up on its schedule, the Hoosiers completely outclassed the No. 18 team in the nation 63-45 on Saturday afternoon.
Merely minutes after tip-off, it was clear the game was going Indiana’s way — confusing and ugly.
Indiana and Wisconsin weren’t just missing shots; they were missing them badly. There were floaters off the front of the rim, free throws off the back of it, 3-pointers that didn’t even hit it — the usual intramural game highlight reel.
The Hoosiers led 21-20 at halftime, shooting just 30% from the floor without a single made 3-pointer. If either team could figure out a way to do one thing even remotely competently on offense, victory would be theirs.
The most impressive shot of the day didn’t even occur during regulation, but rather during what may have been Simon Skjodt Assembly Hall’s finest halftime show of the season.
First, an IU student named Megan — her name was never shown spelled out, so this is one of those legends best passed down via oral tradition — absolutely splashed a half-court shot to win $1,000 in rent, good for a couple months downtown or a long weekend at Evolve.
Then, a circus performer named Christian and a very small dog named Scooby took the court for a performance that involved handstands, backflips and the age-old battle between gravity and chihuahua.
The people loved Scooby. He’s so small. He was so high in the air at multiple points; does he not fear death, or are such mortal qualms beneath him and his tippy-tapping paws?
Even though the Hoosiers were sequestered in their locker room during this magnum opus of performance art, it seems only logical that they drew some inspiration from Megan, Christian and Scooby. Indiana started the second half white-hot with a 12-0 scoring run, establishing a 13-point lead that never shrank to single digits.
The bulk of that run was captained by junior forward Jordan Geronimo, who logged a double-double with 18 points and 12 rebounds.
Geronimo has been an enigma practically since he first donned the candy stripes. Sometimes he leaps in the air and blocks a shot; sometimes he leaps in the air, misses the ball entirely and crashes on top of his opponent for a foul.
The version of Geronimo fans saw Saturday is the version Indiana needs every single game if it wants to claw its way back into the Big Ten title race. He used his 6-foot-6 frame to fight for rebounds, and he went to the free-throw line more often than he sent Badgers to it.
Meanwhile, senior forward Trayce Jackson-Davis and freshman guard Jalen Hood-Schifino combined for 34 points. The pair continues to emerge as a one-two punch of physicality and precision that Indiana has sorely missed since graduate guard Xavier Johnson suffered a foot injury Dec. 17 against the No. 2 University of Kansas.
To be clear, the Hoosiers still have a long way to go. You can’t bet on many Big Ten teams to completely self-immolate like Wisconsin did — I mean, besides Indiana, who seems to do it every other week.
Still, that doesn’t mean fans shouldn’t savor this victory. Quite the opposite.
It’s chicken wire, duct tape and positive thinking for the Hoosiers until they get Johnson and graduate forward Race Thompson back from injury. If that means holding their opponents to 32% shooting while scoring only 21 points in the first half, so be it.
This is college basketball. Sometimes competent teams go on the road and get absolutely embarrassed by deeply flawed teams. If you want a game that abides by logic, I’m sure the International Chess Federation is accepting new fans.
For now, just enjoy the momentary high and try not to get carried away before it comes crashing down. As a completely unbiased journalist, I’ve learned to never let a one-game sample size bloat your expectations.
On a totally unrelated note, does anyone have any good food recommendations for Houston? I plan on consuming a quantity of Tex-Mex roughly equivalent to my bodyweight when Indiana reaches the Final Four by holding each of its tournament opponents to 12% shooting.
