As my junior year is coming to an abrupt end, I am excited and hopeful for the next year and all the new things I will learn. When I look back to the person I was coming to college, I remember being so intimidated by change. I worried about making new friends, was daunted by new experiences and challenges — but nothing could have prepared me for the experience itself.
Though it’s embarrassing, I vividly remember cuddling up with my mom, crying and telling her all my worries the night before moving into my freshman year dorm. I felt like I wasn’t ready — like I was being forced to do something I wasn’t strong enough to handle. Her advice was nothing short of discouraging as she wiped my tears and said, “This is just something you have to do.” I wouldn’t admit it to her face, but I knew she would be right, like always.
I can empathize with people who say their childhood was the greatest years of their life, but I feel like mine are ahead of me. Obviously, I didn’t always have such a positive and eager mindset towards college or my future. But after all that college has given me — freedom, independence and a newfound sense of self-worth — I wish I wasn’t so hard on myself. While I think back on the advice I was given from others (that was completely unhelpful), I wanted to share some things I wish I could have told my freshman year self.
The anticipation is always worse than the real thing
Over these last few years, I’ve realized I have put myself through anxiety-inducing situations twice – first when I anticipate how terrible everything will be, and the second time when I’m experiencing the actual situation. I want to emphasize that I was the one giving myself anxiety over something that hadn’t even happened yet. It seems ridiculous, but we all do it — worry about the things we cannot control. I’m self-aware that I have a type A personality in desperate need to control all aspects of my life, but it is completely unrealistic. I know I will never be able to control everything in my life — but I can control myself and my emotions. As I continue to learn how to grapple with my anxiety, I try to remind myself not to feel anxious without a reason.
It’s OK to get a C.
We’ve all heard the phrase “C's get degrees,” right? I’m not saying that getting straight C's is, well, good, or that you shouldn’t try your best to succeed. I do, however, believe that sometimes the grades you get aren’t your fault. I’ve had a professor or two over the years that graded my work as hard as they possibly could have. I then took the same course again with a different professor and got an A. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, someone will always find a way to be overly critical of your work. Perhaps that’s life, perhaps that professor sucks. Either way, I’ve learned to not try to force myself to be perfect at the cost of my own happiness and peace of mind.
You should prioritize your mental health
In high school I developed an annoying habit of feeling like I need to get straight A's. Of course, that was when my GPA determined my future. Now that I’m in college and graduating in a year, I have yet to hear someone in the professional world say their college GPA determined their success. Again, grades matter and you should absolutely care about having a good relationship with your professors and TA’s – but if you decide to skip a day because you feel mentally exhausted and can’t handle the weight of societal pressures, DO THAT! I have justified too many unreasonable purchases or Starbucks refreshers by saying they will make me feel better, and I don’t regret any of them. In college, the number of responsibilities we have to juggle are too easily overlooked. I balance five classes, a part-time job, an internship, and a social life — all while I am expected to eat healthy and take care of my body. It’s hard. It’s OK1` that it feels difficult and unmanageable. Don’t apologize for needing to take a day to take care of yourself and your mind.
Don’t let one bad apple spoil the whole bunch
I know I’m not the only one who has experienced some friendships that were unhealthy and all-consuming. It was because of those bad experiences that I felt completely uninterested in making new friends, but I regret convincing myself I have all that I need in my relationships. While I am grateful and appreciative of my friendships, that doesn’t mean that there isn’t room for anything or anyone else. It’s easy to be complacent because it's comfortable, but we must be uncomfortable to grow. Instead of being regretful or uninviting to new people, I choose to learn from my mistakes and handle things differently while continuing to make room for new friends.
I genuinely thought at 17 I knew all there was to know, but I could not have been more wrong. I wish I could have told myself that everything would work out in the end exactly as it's supposed to. I’m at a place in my life I couldn’t have imagined if I tried, but I guess that’s the beauty of the experience. As my mom and I hugged goodbye before she drove home for the first time without me, she said “Everything is going to be OK.” Again, she was right, but I still wouldn’t admit that to her.
Thalia Alleman (she/her) is a junior studying journalism and public relations.
