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I am a perfectionist, and trust me when I say this, it is far from perfect.
Perfectionism is a common personality trait that can feature two sides: healthy perfectionism and unhealthy perfectionism. Healthy perfectionism boosts motivation and productivity, leading to confidence and success. However, unhealthy perfectionism causes fear of failure and incredibly high standards, leading to heightened stress and anxiety.
My perfectionism is unhealthy, and with the amount of homework I have and midterms around the corner, it feels like it has gotten worse. I experience so many negative effects from perfectionism that, which make my life harder than it should be. Yes, it makes me more productive and can lead to success, but it’s not worth all the downsides.
My perfectionism makes relaxing feel terrible. I often joke that I’m a workaholic because it honestly feels that way. I can’t relax because every time I sit down to watch a show or draw or do something that isn’t homework, I feel incredibly guilty. When I’m about to go to sleep, my head tells me how unproductive I was, even if I did a lot that day, all because I decided to relax for those few hours. How dare I.
My perfectionism also leaves me with impossibly high expectations and immense frustration every time I make a mistake. Because my brain tells me things need to be “perfect” all the time, I’m often left with disappointment. My fear of failure causes me to not pursue something because I’m worried I won’t be good at it. Mistakes are never an option for me, even though I assume they’ll happen. Even if I tell myself “It’ll be okay if I get a B instead of an A on that test,” when I do get the B, it feels like the world is going to fall apart.
Perfectionism is increasing in young people, and not in a good way. According to a survey conducted by the OxJournal, 85.4% of people between ages 16-25 experience perfectionistic tendencies, and a little more than half (52%) say that their perfectionism negatively affects them. I’m worried these numbers will only increase in the future because of how pressuring society has gotten. To hopefully delay that from happening, I want to provide some tips that have helped me through my perfectionism. And don’t worry, I won’t tell you to “think positive!” or “just make mistakes!” I see those “tips” online and cringe because it’s not that easy. It’s like telling a dog not to bark. So I hope that by sharing what has genuinely helped me, it may help you, too.
Post-it notes
This is something my mom taught me, and it helps me balance my tasks. You write what needs to be done on separate post-it notes, put them up somewhere, and then take them down when tasks get done. For me, my post-it notes represent goals I want to reach each day, whether it’s for classes, hobbies, or housekeeping tasks. It makes it easier to compartmentalize what I have to do, and the feeling of ripping that post-it note off makes me feel accomplished. It’s much more fulfilling than just checking items off my to-do list.
Picking up a hobby
Another thing that helps my perfectionism is picking up a hobby that requires you to make mistakes. Some of my hobbies tend to heighten my perfectionism more than others, like art and music, and although you constantly make mistakes in those activities, I find it makes me more perfectionistic because I can keep trying to make it perfect. So I decided to start baking because I knew that those mistakes weren’t ones I could easily fix. While baking, I’ve noticed myself loosening up whenever something goes wrong because it forces me to go with the flow and be okay with whatever happens. Finding a hobby or activity that helps you learn to accept mistakes can progressively eliminate your fear of failure and teach you to go with the flow. It just takes time to find the right activity. So experiment!
Perfectionism can be a good thing, but it’s really important to know when it has taken too much control over your life. By identifying what type of perfectionism you have, you can start taking action to help it. It’s not going to go away overnight, but trust me when I say this, even when it seems hopeless, it’s possible to overcome it.
Evelyn Strauss (she/her) is a freshman studying international studies and human biology.
