Have you noticed that some of our favorite movies and shows glorify toxic relationships? Take “The Notebook” as an example. It’s the pinnacle of romance movies, it’s the Titanic of love stories, and yet Noah and Allie, the main characters, make so many mistakes that it becomes catastrophic.
Noah and Allie were high school sweethearts but broke up somewhere along the way to adulthood. Now fast forward to their late 20s and Allie is engaged to another man. When Noah sees Allie, everything changes. They’re in love again. So in love Allie cheats on her fiancé with Noah.
Don’t get me wrong, I am a hopeless romantic who loves love, but I will never excuse cheating. That’s toxic. In the movie, however, the cheating is glossed over with rose-colored glasses. The audience is just as in love with their relationship as Noah and Allie are with each other. The audience waits throughout the first half of the movie for when they finally kiss and reignite the flame. That isn’t the reality of it though. Sure, Allie and Noah were meant to be together, but Allie cheated on her fiancé and pretended it was all OK.
Cheating is never OK. It should not be glossed over or even worse, glorified.
Another example of glorified toxicity is the show released in 2022, “Tell Me Lies.” It’s drama, drugs, alcohol, college and sex all in one. The main characters Lucy and Stephen are in an obviously toxic relationship; they even accept they make each other worse. Despite it all, just like it happens to many people who are stuck in their ways and can’t seem to break free from a toxic relationship, they keep coming back to each other.
This is not passion or love, it's toxicity. Coming back to each other time after time does not mean you are meant to be together; it means you’re stuck in a cycle. The reason Lucy and Stephen keep coming back is because they don’t allow themselves to grow. They want to be comfortable and unfortunately for them, they are comfortable in toxicity.
The audience, including me in the beginning, is almost rooting for them to stay together. Even when we know that they yell and insult each other, we take it because we think that’s love.
You might be thinking, why does this matter? “Tell me Lies” is ranked as the 68th most popular show online. It was also the 5th most popular show on Hulu. So, it matters because millions of people are watching these movies and shows thinking that what happens is normal and should be called love.
Instead of learning that love is kind, respectful and empathetic, the youth are learning love is yelling and then apologizing, cheating but excusing it and coming back to one another even when it continues to be toxic.
I used to be one of those people who ran back to the toxic ex every single time. It took growth and acceptance to move on, to re-learn what love really is. I used to look at healthy signs of love, like no jealousy or no controlling behavior, and think it was too boring for me. I didn’t want that type of love; I wanted the passion and the screaming. But I didn’t really want it, did I? I was conditioned to think that. Deep down when I would cry, I knew that wasn’t what I was looking for. I yearned, like most of us do, for a love that is unconditional, that accepts us and embraces us for the person we are and want to be. No insults, no screaming, no jealousy, just love.
Maria Amanda Irias is a senior studying psychology and journalism.
