Editor’s Note: This story includes mention of sexual harassment.
Last year, a male student in my gender studies class said something to the effect of, “all these women say that they have been assaulted or had bad experiences with men, but of all the men I know, none of them would do something like that.”
He was genuinely confused at the apparent asymmetry between victims and perpetrators. Though to many of us, especially women, it is apparent that there is no single personality or type of person who can commit sexual violence, I sympathize with him. It is painful and confusing to come to the understanding that men who sexually harass, coerce and assault women are not always obviously evil and easily identifiable.
Perpetrators can be brothers and fathers, they can be friendly and kind and they can be in jobs meant to protect us. Unfortunately, for all of history and for all of time to come, the worst crimes can and will be carried out by those who carefully curate their images to be clean, trustworthy and humble.
Neil Gaiman is a horror and fantasy author with a cult following, well known for works such as “Coraline” (2002) and “The Sandman” (1989). I have a “Coraline” poster on my bedroom wall with his name drawn across the bottom. Gaiman has also maintained an active presence on social platforms such as tumblr, X and his personal website.
In July of 2024, five women came forward with allegations of sexual assault against Gaiman through a podcast, “Master,” produced by Tortoise Media. This January, New York Magazine published an article detailing more women’s experiences with Gaiman, with a total of nine women coming forward since July 2024.
It is important to note that while some victims do come forward publicly with their experience of sexual assault or choose to pursue legal action, many victims are simply trying to live peaceful lives and continue pursuing their goals after facing trauma.
Sally Thomas, the director of the IU Office of Sexual Violence Prevention and Victim Advocacy, regularly helps students who have experienced sexual violence with succeeding in their education despite the challenges of processing trauma.
“The bulk of the students that come to our office, their main concern is their academics,” she said.
In many aspects of his career and public image, Gaiman appeared to advocate for women and other marginalized groups — creating art that brought people comfort and a sense of belonging. He described himself as a feminist.
Gaiman posted a response to the allegations made against him on his blog Jan. 14. He denied all claims that he engaged in non-consensual sexual activity; however, he apologizes for being emotionally unavailable and behaving poorly in relationships. A line stood out to me: “Like most of us, I’m learning, and I'm trying to do the work needed, and I know that that's not an overnight process. I hope that with the help of good people, I'll continue to grow.”
So many men like Gaiman take a tone of humility — understanding they are not perfect but will always strive to be the best allies they can — which feels so unsettling and dangerous after their truth comes to light. Not only do they recognize and want to fight the patriarchy — they acknowledge their imperfections and shortcomings.
Take comedian Louis C.K., who, for much of his career, also positioned himself as a feminist who understood women’s struggles with men. In 2017, five women accused him of sexual misconduct.
The problem is that one cannot use public relations and therapy buzzwords to repent or express regret for sexual assault. The actions Gaiman was accused of — with many women sharing very similar specific experiences — are deliberate, manipulative and violent actions.
It would make sense to apologize the way Gaiman did for something like ghosting a partner or being rude to a fan. Gaiman is 64 years old. There is no more “growing” or “doing the work needed.” In his 64 years, he has jeopardized the safety and damaged the dignity of many women. Of those we know of, all these women are younger and less well-known than him.
Further, Gaiman asserts that all nine of these women lied about him committing sexual misconduct toward them. I alone cannot confirm the truth, but, according to Thomas, most victims are primarily concerned with moving on with their lives without being retraumatized — not reporting the perpetrator solely for the purpose of personal gain.
Less than a third of sexual assault is reported, and far fewer lead to arrests, convictions and incarceration.
It is deeply unsettling to realize how many men who appear to be the best allies, activists and partners to the public are sinister in their private lives. I do not mean to say that people should never trust, feel close to or believe in men. There are plenty of men that understand the importance of consent. The takeaway from the allegations against Gaiman is that people must be careful not to idolize certain people or place them on pedestals — deeming them “one of the good ones.” There will never be a way to truly know the good ones — we will simply keep becoming aware of the bad ones.
Leila Faraday (she/her) is a junior studying policy analysis with minors in geography and urban planning.
