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To know me is to know my older sister, Jada.
I started playing soccer because Jada played soccer. I listened to Paramore and Mac Miller because Jada listened to them (who, no doubt, only liked them because our older brother, Keith, did). Everything I did as a child was because I wanted to be just like her; and while I fortunately have formed my own identity now, I still look up to her just as much as I did when I was seven.
Growing up with a sister seven years older than me meant that naturally, her wisdom was imparted to me. I got to see all of her positive traits and learn how to act just like her, just as I lived through her mistakes and learned how not to repeat them. Many of my values I believe in today stemmed simply from watching and learning what Jada did first.
With that being said, here are some life lessons my sister has taught me over the years that I believe deserve to be shared.
Growing up and gaining independence is a luxury
A major lesson Jada has taught me is that growing up isn’t scary — it’s exciting.
Jada is 25, so every milestone that I have lived through, I experienced first through her. First dates, prom, graduation, moving out: every important event in my life felt a little less scary since I was able to watch my role model go through it first.
While I’m nervous about graduating college in a few short years and moving out into “the real world,” Jada has taught me that getting older isn’t something to dread, but something to look forward to. Moving into your own apartment, paying your own bills, having an “adult” job — yes, it can be intimidating to have complete independence, but it can also be exciting and empowering.
It’s okay to be nervous
Speaking of being nervous, Jada also taught me at a young age that I should embrace nerves. When I was little, I played on a recreational soccer team, as many elementary school kids do. I was such a nervous wreck before every game that I needed Jada to help me get ready. I still remember what she would tell me every time she put on my shin guards and laced up my cleats: “Nerves mean you care.”
“Nerves mean you care” has stuck with me long after I gave up my short-lived soccer career and serves as a reminder that I shouldn’t be ashamed to care about something. I find this sentiment to be especially important now, when it feels like everyone is concerned with appearing nonchalant or cool in fear of being perceived as cringey. Luckily, Jada’s words are there to remind me there’s nothing embarrassing about being passionate about your interests or being nervous about something important to you.
Even the smallest acts of kindness aren’t small
Even though it seems like there is an epidemic of apathy, my sister always goes out of her way to show kindness towards strangers. Any time we go out anywhere, she finds someone to compliment. If you ever run into Jada in public, I can almost guarantee she’ll compliment you on your hair or your style or your energy. She smiles at everyone she sees, generously tips every server she meets and always extends a helping hand without even blinking an eye or expecting anything back.
On bad days when I have zero interest in being nice to anyone, I think of how Jada radiates kindness, and I am reminded that although it costs nothing to be kind it can make all the difference in someone’s day. I think of how every friend of mine that’s ever met Jada immediately tells me, “Wow, your sister is the nicest person ever” and I try my best to emulate that.
Taking breaks is just as important as working: hyper-productivity isn’t the goal
Although I’ve always been into writing, it’s clear Jada got the creative genes of the family. She paints, sings, draws, creates pottery and handmade jewelry —It’s easier to ask what she doesn’t do.
Oftentimes on a Saturday afternoon, she is curled up on her couch with paintbrushes and pastels surrounding her, where she will be painting for hours on end. When invited to join her, I almost instinctively say no, because I should probably be spending my free time studying or writing or doing something productive.
However, Jada has emphasized the importance of self-care and rest days, and I have come to understand that there isn’t anything wrong with devoting my time towards things that make me happy, like creative hobbies. Productivity doesn’t always mean working every second you have; productivity can also mean taking intentional rest and doing things you love in order to reset.
From the day I was born to now, I still consider my older sister to be one of the wisest people I know, and I am incredibly grateful to have good relationships with both of my siblings. However, for those of you that don’t have that privilege, I hope the lessons I have shared from Jada are able to benefit you as they have benefited me my whole life.
Lily Saylor (she/her) is a freshman studying journalism.
