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(10/17/06 2:57am)
I don't like animals. OK, I said it. I confess, I don't like them, not one bit. This isn't to say I hate animals. I have befriended a handful or two in my lifetime, and I don't wish death upon all your pets or anything. That said, I won't apologize for eating meat, and the only thing stopping me from buying a fabulous fur coat is my tragically empty wallet. More than these, though, I can't get it up for your pet just because it is an animal.\nPet things I abhor:\n• Your pet jumping on me and sniffing my crotch. I find this rude and inappropriate. I accept that your pet isn't a person. However, Fido can't have it both ways. We're either going to have a human-friend relationship or we will relate as human and animal. Either way, I don't care, but tell your dog to get out of my crotch and stop knocking me over if you want us to be friends. \n• Pictures of your pet. Your animal looks exactly like every other of its kind to me. I know how desperately you want me to be excited about this creature, but I just don't get it. I might fake it and say, "Aw, that's cute." But I don't think it's cute. I think it's irritating. I would rather look at pictures of you, your family, other humans. I don't show you photos of my computer, which I like probably as much as you like your pet. My computer (her name is Gertrude) actually knows the meaning of personal space. Gertrude tells me important information, like the weather and when I have e-mails. Your dog just makes on the carpet. \n• The smell of your animal when it breathes in/licks my face. Like the crotch invasion, your creature should learn the meaning of personal space. I have met a few dogs in my day that understood this concept. Well, either they understood it or were too old to be interested in getting all up in my business. Regardless, they're better for it.\n• The fact that your pet wears a Halloween costume, a sweater, a tutu, etc. Nothing is more frightening than an animal in clothing. There are probably children in Third World countries who could use sweaters, but you are choosing to give one to your pet instead. I can guarantee your cat hates it. Your dog might tolerate it but probably just because it doesn't get it. Don't animals have built-in clothes anyway? I thought so. Actually, I know they do because that's what I would use to make my fur coat, if I could afford it.\nThere's an old phrase that goes, "Love me, love my dog." If that's the way it goes, your animal and I can co-exist, but don't put your pet above humans. It's creepy and weird, and I can't get it up for that. Excuse me, now, I need to go eat a steak.
(10/17/06 2:56am)
ROME -- Hoosiers celebrating the canonization of Indiana's first saint met Monday with some of the 19th century nun's French relatives, praying and singing during a special service in Rome's second-largest basilica.\nThe Rev. Dale Ehrman led a group of 18 students and several staff members from Blessed Theodore Guerin High School in Noblesville, Ind., to Monday's service for Mother Theodore Guerin, who was elevated to sainthood Sunday.\nEhrman said the group met with a great-niece and a cousin of Guerin, who was born in 1798 in Brittany, France, and founded St. Mary-of-the-Woods College in western Indiana near Terre Haute.\n"Some of the students knew a little French, but we had a translator," Ehrman said.\nPope Benedict XVI on Sunday praised Guerin for her perseverance in carrying out God's mission. He elevated her, and three other clergy from past centuries, to sainthood in a ceremony in St. Peter's Square.\nGuerin, who died in 1856 at the age of 57, led a group of six French nuns who arrived in Indiana on Oct. 22, 1840.\nThere, she founded a religious order, The Sisters of Providence of St. Mary-of-the-Woods, and founded St. Mary-of-the-Woods College. The college enrolled its first student in 1841.\nMary Weber, 43, a graduate of the college, was among hundreds of other alumnae, students or other Guerin admirers who attended the thanksgiving Mass in St. Paul Outside the Wall Basilica near one of Rome's ancient roads.\nThe basilica is Rome's largest church after St. Peter's Basilica.\nWeber said Guerin "was so pure. She served the Church with love and gratitude."\nIndianapolis Archbishop Daniel Mark Buechlein celebrated the Mass, which ended with long applause. Lafayette Bishop William Leo Higi and other bishops from Indiana who had celebrated Sunday's Mass with the pope also took part in Monday's service.\nSister Stephanie Dalton, who belongs to the French order of the Sisters of Providence, attended the Mass and Monday's service.\nThe Lincoln, England, resident likened Sunday's canonization ceremony to a "microcosm of all the Church."\n"Mother Guerin taught us that God is great and always takes care of us," Dalton said. "I will take away with me a tremendous sense of joy and a renewed sense of providence in my life."\n"I'm so happy and proud. She is the eighth American saint and the first Indiana saint," said Bonnie Schott, 55, from Indianapolis.\nProudly showing her class ring from St. Mary-of-the-Woods College, Marci Backer, 38, from Jasper, Ind., referred to Guerin's decades-long battle with frail health. "Mother Theodore was very sick but she never gave up"
(10/17/06 2:53am)
INDIANAPOLIS -- U.S. Sen. Barack Obama, viewed as a rising star in the Democratic Party, helped raise money Monday for three Indiana congressional candidates who have high hopes of knocking off Republican incumbents as Democrats try to regain control of the U.S. House of Representatives.\nThe fundraiser was closed to the media, but the senator from Illinois appeared at a news conference afterward and spoke highly of Brad Ellsworth of the 8th District, former Rep. Baron Hill of the 9th and Joe Donnelly of the 2nd.\nObama, who is featured on the cover of Time magazine this week for an article about his prospects of running for president in 2008, said Americans were in a serious mood about the challenges the nation faces, including affordable health care, education, alternative fuels and the war in Iraq.\nHe said Democrats represent hope, optimism and hard work and said the three Indiana candidates seen nationally as very serious contenders exemplify that.\n"I think they are folks who (have) common sense, Midwestern values, that hope to build bridges and look to solve problems, and that style of governing I think is something that America is hungry for," Obama said. "So all we need to do now is make sure we are competing financially with the Republicans."\nThe Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee did not immediately say how many people attended the fundraiser at the Westin Hotel in downtown Indianapolis. Tickets for the luncheon were $250 per person or $1,000 to attend a special reception with Obama, who is the lone black senator. The money was to be split evenly among the three candidates.\nEach of the three Democratic candidates has raised more than $1 million, and two of the three Republican incumbents - Rep. Mike Sodrel in the 9th and Rep. Chris Chocola in the 2nd -- have easily topped that mark. Rep. John Hostettler in the 8th had raised about $448,000 as of Sept. 30, according to campaign finance reports due Oct. 15.\nThe national parties have also spent millions on the three races, primarily to run television ads. Democrats need to pick up 15 seats to win back the House, and six seats to gain a majority in the Senate.
(10/17/06 2:51am)
INDIANAPOLIS -- A toddler remained in critical condition Monday, a day after he drank from a juice bottle where his mother's boyfriend allegedly hid the hallucinogenic drug PCP during a traffic stop.\nAbout a half-hour after drinking the juice, 19-month-old Terion Vaughn stumbled, began drooling, "fell to the ground and couldn't hold his head up," according to a police report.\nHe was rushed to Methodist Hospital on Sunday morning, where he tested positive for the drug PCP or phenylcyclohexylpiperidine. \nThe boy's mother, Tamara Vaughn, 22, told police she gave the boy juice from a bottle that had been in her car the night before.\nAccording to a police report, she said that when she called her boyfriend, Montiez Mann, 27, from the hospital to tell him what happened, he told her he had poured liquid PCP into a juice bottle to hide it when Tamara Vaughn had been pulled over Saturday night for a traffic violation.
(10/17/06 2:50am)
Bathrooms intrigue me, especially the messages contained on their walls. My first Indiana Daily Student column highlighted some of the best phrases I've been fortunate enough to encounter in my travels to bathrooms across North America. \nTwo months after arriving in Bloomington, I've once again discovered a new piece of unique poetry, this time on the hallowed bathroom walls of IU.\nWarning: The following contains explicit accusations about greeks, possibly from disgruntled pledge-rejects. Do not read further if you are prone to attending lame Jordan Avenue parties where wristbands are required.\nAll of the following quotations have been obtained through painstaking single-ply research. \n• "If your thing is small and your social skills weak, don't worry about it -- just go greek!"\nI sincerely doubt the accuracy of this statement. First of all, I've encountered many greeks in my journey through higher education. The majority of fraternity members I've known have been able to slap strangers of the opposite (or same) sex on the rear without fear of repercussion. I'd say that demonstrates pretty strong social skills. I also attended a nude hot tub party at a fraternity awhile back. I suppose the joke was on me when I showed up and there was nothing but a five-gallon bucket of hot water on the back porch. But I did observe a rather "endowed" group of guys trying to squeeze in. No small "things" in that bunch.\n• "Pull here for diploma" (with arrow pointing to the toilet paper dispenser).\nFollowing orders, I pulled out one of those supposed diplomas and was intrigued with what I found. On the paper was written: "Indiana University Office of the Registrar." On the back was a barcode with a bunch of Greek letters that I couldn't translate in my current position. After leaving the bathroom, I took the paper to the first greek house I could find and asked for assistance. It turns out that the paper read: "Frat members: Redeem for any degree from the Kelley School of Business." Of course! It all made sense.\n• "Delta Delta Delta is Square Square Square!"\nThis one took a little intuition to figure out.\nIn math, the Greek letter Delta is used to represent a change in some variable, such as Delta members changing their clothes. Delta, in Greek, is symbolized by a triangle. Put these together and the above quote becomes clearer: When Delta members stand in triangle form and change their clothes, sleazy frat guys peek at them through square windows. Sounds pretty rational to me. What's the lesson here? Close the curtains, ladies! But it doesn't help unless you go inside the house before changing.\nThere are surely many more of these deep thoughts scrawled in bathrooms throughout IU. When you find them, don't be afraid to drop by a greek residence and share the good news. And when you go by a fraternity, make sure it is changing that bucket of water on a regular basis.
(10/17/06 2:50am)
There are many places I'd like to visit: Kodiak, Alaska, for instance. Or the Ganges and the Pyramids. Then I saw a "Discover Nebraska" advertisement on television and got to thinking of the places I'd avoid for the rest of my life. North Korea, for instance, and Burma with its military junta are at the very bottom of my very long list. I'd also be perfectly content staying the hell away from Baghdad -- even if it meant touring downtown Omaha.\nPrompted by a recent surge of violent crime in north Omaha, local shock-jock Tom Becka played a spoof of the popular "Discover Nebraska," inviting tourists to "Discover miles of mayhem. Discover drive-bys. Discover gang violence ... Discover North Omaha. After all, it's safer than Baghdad." If that ringing endorsement isn't enough, the parody even uses a fake police officer's testimonial: "Omaha was nice enough to give me plenty of extra overtime. Arson, abductions, assaults -- everything that makes a community exciting." \nAccording to various local network news affiliates in Omaha, the 36-second satire forced a condemnation of Becka by City Councilman Frank Brown. The Council is debating a resolution calling on the radio station, KFAB, to issue a public apology and "to repair the community damage it has inflicted." As if anyone wanted to visit Nebraska to begin with.\nI guess your idea of a prime vacation spot depends on where you grew up because when I think vacation, I see beaches, warm weather and coconuts filled with booze. On the other hand, Google informs me that Omaha, Neb., is about the most boring place imaginable. There's literally nothing to make fun of, nothing to say about Nebraska. So I'll just get to the point.\nCalling the parody distasteful does nothing to stem the violence. If the Council were really interested in the welfare of its city, it would be debating ways to encourage order and civility. The real damage inflicted on the community is being done by criminals on the streets of North Omaha, while the Council scrambles to sway public opinion. It must be an election year.\nAnyway, the DJ will be protected from any wrongdoing by the First Amendment. He didn't swear or break any FCC guideline, and the Council should know that. A real leader would sponsor a resolution for better law enforcement, not waste everyone's time scolding a radio personality. Besides, every ounce of common sense says confronting Becka will just bring in more listeners. Crime rates are rising, and the Council is debating how to cover it up. The too-edgy-for-Nebraska comments made by some nothing DJ are the least of the city's problems. \nWhen we talk about political responsibility, we're usually discussing the federal government. Recent debates -- involving, for example, Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert and former FEMA chief Dan Brown -- are a perfect expression of my point. The problem is in no way limited to the upper echelon of corruption known as Capitol Hill. Indeed, even the City Council of Omaha, Neb., is entirely incapable of even the slightest bit of responsibility.
(10/17/06 2:23am)
Hawaiians check for quake damage HONOLULU -- Officials began inspecting bridges and roads across Hawaii early Monday following the strongest earthquake to rattle the islands in more than two decades, a 6.7-magnitude quake that caused blackouts and landslides but no reported fatalities. At least one stretch of road leading to a bridge near the earthquake's epicenter on the Big Island collapsed, Civil Defense Agency spokesman Dave Curtis said Monday.\nIsrael wants talks with Lebanon, \nnot Syria QB 'penciled in' JERUSALEM -- Prime Minister Ehud Olmert on Monday invited the Lebanese prime minister to begin peace talks following Israel's recent war against Hezbollah guerrillas, but Olmert ruled out peace talks with Syria at the present time, saying President Bashar Assad isn't a suitable negotiating partner. Olmert said Assad must halt his support for Palestinian militant groups before the two nations can hold peace talks, and he dismissed the Syrian leader's calls for negotiations as a "negotiating tactic." Syria hosts the top leaders of Hamas, the ruling Palestinian political party, which is committed to Israel's destruction.\nTamil rebels killing 93 sailors COLOMBO, Sri Lanka -- Tamil rebels rammed a truck packed with explosives into a convoy of military buses Monday, killing at least 93 sailors in one of the deadliest insurgent attacks since the 2002 cease-fire. The attack comes as a Japanese envoy met with the president Monday amid intensified diplomatic efforts to strengthen the peace process between the government and rebels ahead of scheduled talks between the two sides later this month in Switzerland.\nFBI raids home of Congressman's daughter MEDIA, Pa. -- The FBI raided the homes of Rep. Curt Weldon's daughter and a close friend Monday as it investigates whether the congressman improperly helped the pair win lobbying and consulting contracts. Earlier Monday, Weldon called the investigation politically motivated and called the timing suspect. A Republican locked in a tight re-election bid, he denied wrongdoing and said he gave his daughter no special help.\nGuatemala, Venezuela fail to win U.N. seat UNITED NATIONS -- Guatemala topped Venezuela in the first four rounds of voting Monday for a U.N. Security Council seat, but it failed to get the necessary two-thirds majority to win a two-year term on the powerful United Nations body. That result opened the door for others to join the race, in what could be a blow to both countries' chances for a seat. The results were an embarrassment to Venezuela's President Hugo Chavez, who had waged a highly public campaign on the claim that his nation would use its seat on the council to speak out against the United States.
(10/17/06 2:18am)
BAGHDAD, Iraq -- Saddam Hussein issued an open letter Monday, saying Iraq's "liberation is at hand" and calling for an end to sectarian killings. The brother of the prosecutor in his genocide trial was shot to death at home, the latest death linked to proceedings against the deposed leader.\nSaddam said he was addressing Iraqis in a letter because "my chances to express my opinion are limited" while in detention. He faces genocide charges in the killings of thousands of Kurds during the Iran-Iraq war and is charged separately in an anti-Shiite crackdown in the 1980s.\n"It was only a few times that I managed to address you through the farcical, so-called trial when the microphones were not switched off," Saddam said, acknowledging that he tries to use the trials for political propaganda.\n"The hour of liberation is at hand, God willing, but remember that your near-term goal is confined to freeing your country from the forces of occupation and their followers and not be preoccupied with settling scores or deviate from your goal," Saddam said.\nImad al-Faroon, the brother of the chief prosecutor in the genocide trial, was shot to death in front of his wife at his Baghdad home and died immediately, Dr. Ali al-Lami, head of the government De-Baathification Committee, told The Associated Press.\nAl-Faroon's death came less than three weeks after the brother-in-law of the judge in the genocide trial was fatally shot.\nAl-Faroon's brother is Muqith al-Faroon, who is leading the prosecution of Saddam in the genocide trial. There was no immediate word from law enforcement authorities about the killing or who might have conducted the assassination.\nHis death adds to the troubles surrounding legal proceedings against Saddam, who could be hanged if convicted in either trial. During Saddam's first trial, three defense lawyers were killed, and in July, Saddam and three other defendants refused food to protest lack of security for lawyers and conduct of the trial.\nThe letter from Saddam, a text of which was obtained by the AP in Amman, Jordan, appeared designed to cast him in the role of a nationalist leader who could reconcile and rebuild a nation now beset by rising sectarian violence, an enduring insurgency and deepening economic woes. The letter also appears to reflect Saddam's belief that the tide may be turning against the Americans in Iraq and the Shiite-dominated government they support.\nRaid Juhi, a chief investigating judge in the trial linked to the anti-Shiite crackdown, said a verdict against Saddam and seven co-defendants will be announced Nov. 5. He said sentences for those found guilty will be issued the same day.\nSaddam's trial began a year ago with him and his co-defendants facing charges arising from the deaths of nearly 150 Shiites from the town of Dujail after a 1982 assassination attempt against Saddam in the town north of Baghdad.\nSaddam's co-defendants include his former deputy, Taha Yassin Ramadan, and his half brother and former intelligence chief Barzan Ibrahim.\nSaddam is the chief defendant in another trial, facing genocide charges in connection with a government crackdown in the 1980s against Iraqi Kurds. The prosecution alleges about 180,000 people died in that campaign.\nSaddam's chief lawyer in both cases, Khalil al-Dulaimi, said the former president dictated the letter to him during a four-hour meeting in a Baghdad detention facility Saturday. The meeting was also attended by other Saddam lawyers, including former U.S. Attorney General Ramsey Clark, he said.\nIraqis, said Saddam, were "living the most difficult period in history because of the occupation, killing, destruction and looting." Echoing fears among some Iraqis over the breakup of the country, Saddam appealed for unity.\nHe called on Iraq's Sunni Arabs to forgive their enemies, including informants who aided U.S. forces hunt down and kill his two sons -- Odai and Qussai, three year ago in the northern city of Mosul.\n"When you achieve victory, remember you are God's soldiers and therefore, you must show genuine forgiveness and put aside revenge over the spilled blood of your sons and brothers, including the sons of Saddam Hussein," he wrote.\n"I call on you to be forgiving rather than being rough with those who lost the right path."\nSaddam remains popular among hardcore remnants of his now-disbanded Baath party and small pockets of the once-dominant Sunni Arab minority.\nOn Sunday, 35 Sunni Arab tribal leaders from the oil-rich city of Kirkuk called for Saddam's release in a meeting in which portraits of the former leader were hoisted along with banners declaring allegiance to him.\n"The release of Saddam Hussein and his comrades will solve the Iraqi crisis," said Abdul-Rahman Monsheid al-Obeidi, one of the tribal chiefs who took part. "It will ensure the success of the national reconciliation the government is talking about."\nIraq's Kurds say Kirkuk is Kurdish and want to annex it to their autonomous region in northern Iraq. The city's Turkomen and Arab communities reject that claim and a referendum is scheduled to be held next year to decide the fate of the city. Saddam settled thousands of Arabs in Kirkuk as part of what is known as his "Arabization" policy.\n--Associated Press reporters Jamal Halaby and Shafika Mattar in Amman, Jordan, and Yahiya Ahmed, in Kirkuk, Iraq, contributed to this report.
(10/17/06 2:18am)
BAGHDAD, Iraq -- Sunni Muslims fled across the Tigris River on Monday, trying to escape a four-day rampage of sectarian fighting in their Shiite-dominated home city of Balad north of Baghdad. At least 91 people have died -- all but 17 of them Sunnis.\nAlso Monday, staggered car bombs hit a Shiite funeral in Baghdad, killing 15 people -- mourners as well as rescuers who arrived before the second explosion. It was the deadliest attack in violence around the country Monday that claimed at least 60 lives.\nThe government and its police and armed forces appeared unable or unwilling to stop the bloodshed that may set the standard for the building inter-communal conflict should it spread further and the pace hasten, which appeared likely.\nSunnis in Balad said militiamen went door to door, giving them two hours to clear out of their homes, and one police officer said the bodies of the city's Sunni minority lay unclaimed in the streets.\nMohamed Ali Hamid, a 35-year-old Sunni taxi driver, said he walked for two hours with 20 family members Sunday to reach the nearby Sunni town of Duluiyah. Shiite militiamen accompanied by police gave them just two hours to leave Sunday, he said.\n"They said, 'You are Sunnis and have no place here at all,'" Hamid said. "They burned everything related to Sunnis, and we were forced to leave everything behind," he said by phone from a police station where he had been taken after Duluiyah law enforcement picked the group up along the highway.
(10/17/06 2:16am)
SEOUL, South Korea -- North Korea appeared to slip further into isolation Monday, as China -- under intense pressure to enforce new U.N. sanctions -- inspected cargo trucks bound for its communist ally and stepped up construction of a border fence.\nJapan -- once a major trading partner with North Korea -- said it was considering further sanctions, and Australia banned the North's ships from its ports.\nThe United States confirmed the underground explosion in North Korea last week was a nuclear blast, reporting that air samples gathered last week contained radioactive materials.\nThe Chinese inspections at a border crossing with the North came amid concerns that Beijing would ignore the new U.N. sanctions leveled against the reclusive communist country for its nuclear test. China is a major trader with North Korea and its support is key to the success of the new U.N. measures, which call for nations to check cargo leaving and arriving from North Korea.\nAt the United Nations, Chinese Ambassador Wang Guangya said, however, that his country will implement the U.N. sanctions and inspect cargo from North Korea for illegal weapons and missiles.\nBut Wang indicated that China will not stop and board ships to search for equipment or material that can be used to make nuclear, chemical and biological weapons or ballistic missiles.\n"This is a resolution we have to implement," Wang told reporters. "The question was raised whether China will do inspections. Inspections yes, but inspection is different then interdiction and interception. I think different countries will do it different ways."\nR. Nicholas Burns, undersecretary of state for political affairs, said there will be "enormous pressure on China to live up to their responsibility" in enforcing United Nations punishment of its ally, North Korea. "We are all banking on that."\nThe office of National Intelligence Director John Negroponte confirmed that the explosion in North Korea had a force of less than 1 kiloton, a comparatively small nuclear detonation. Each kiloton is equal to the force produced by 1,000 tons of TNT.\nNorth Korea remained defiant, with its No. 2 - ranking leader, Kim Yong Nam, saying the country would strengthen its military and "achieve a final victory in the historic standoff with the U.S." His televised remarks did not touch directly on the sanctions.\nU.S. officials were preparing a diplomatic swing through Asia to address divisions over how to impose the new sanctions. The measures, approved Saturday, also include an embargo on major weapons to Pyongyang and the freezing of the assets of businesses linked to the North's weapons programs.\nThe top U.S. envoy on North Korea's nuclear program, Christopher Hill, met Monday with his Japanese counterpart, Kenichiro Sasae.\nHill told reporters in Tokyo that the common threat from North Korea has helped unite the regional powers, particularly China.\n"I feel that we have a great deal of similar thinking with China. I think this nuclear test has brought China much closer to us," Hill said.\nThe U.S. diplomatic campaign was to continue Wednesday when Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice was to arrive in Japan before traveling to South Korea and China. She was expected to have a three-way meeting with the Japanese and South Korean foreign ministers Thursday in Seoul, Japanese officials said.\nAmid the diplomacy, Iran -- which has also attracted global criticism for its nuclear program -- issued its first official reaction to the U.N. sanctions. The country's president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, rejected the American-initiated measures, accusing the U.S. of using the U.N. Security Council as a "weapon to impose its hegemony."\nJapan has taken the hardest line against the North. On Friday, the Cabinet approved closing ports to North Korean ships and banning trade with the North.\nJapanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe told reporters Monday that his country was considering more sanctions that might be drawn up after it takes "into consideration actions by international society."\nAustralia announced that it would go beyond the U.N. resolution by banning the North's ships from entering its ports, except in dire emergencies.\n"I think that will help Australia make a quite clear contribution to the United Nations sanctions regime," Foreign Minister Alexander Downer said.\nChina -- North Korea's biggest trading partner -- had balked at the cargo inspections, saying they would increase tensions.\nBut on Monday, customs inspectors examined cargo trucks bound for the North in the border city of Dandong, China. The officers opened the back of each truck and looked at its cargo, though they did not open individual containers.\nLast week, reporters who visited the border post did not see inspectors open any trucks.\n"The inspections are routine and conducted by quarantine officials," said Li Canhao, an officer at the Nanping crossing, in an eastern valley surrounded by mountains.\nIn a further sign of fraying ties with North Korea, the Chinese have been building a barbed wire and concrete fence along parts of its 880-mile border with the North.\nAlthough the project was approved in 2003, the fence-building appears to have picked up since the test was announced. Scores of soldiers have descended on farmland near the border-marking Yalu River to erect concrete barriers 8 to 15 feet tall and string barbed wire between them, farmers and visitors to the area said.\nThe sanctions should not cut off the flow of basic foodstuffs to the North, which has endured years of famine caused by bad harvests and poor economic policies.\nBut the U.N.'s food agency said Monday that millions of North Koreans face "real hardship" this winter due to reduced food aid from foreign donors.\nMike Huggins, a U.N. World Food Program spokesman who just returned from a five-day visit to North Korea, told reporters in Beijing, "If that food aid is not there, then there is going to be very real hardship."\n--Associated Press writers Joe McDonald in Beijing, Kana Inagaki in Tokyo and Ng Han Guan in Dandong, China, contributed to this report.
(10/16/06 6:29pm)
"I know what I mean, but I don't know how to express it."\nShall we never be free of this pathetic and ridiculous sentence? Upon hearing it recently, I thought to myself, "Well, that helps no one." As I reflected on it at some greater distance and in greater detail, I realized that my initial reaction didn't go far enough. For when one hears this irritating sentiment so, um, irritatingly phrased, you know that whatever the person says, he hasn't really devoted enough thought to it -- and his comments should thus remain outside the realm of serious discussion. \nIt is perhaps more justified if lapsing into this stock practice is tongue-in-cheek or on some intoxicating Friday night among close friends -- as this entails being aware of one's mangling of language. However, I'm not sure most of those who do so are aware. \nIt would be a mistake to say that this is only an aesthetic criticism. Too often, people don't think about what they're saying. This is the reason why trite catchphrases actually hinder clarity. These common denominators of speech are obstacles to individual thought. I'm sorry if this will disappoint some, but I think it needs to be said that the talent of individual thinking cannot be gleaned from watching more MTV. \nThose who cannot articulate their words seem to me incapable of deciding what they mean. Words are the tools of meaning, and so when used poorly, their impact is muted. In a strange way, this clumsiness can often be entertaining for the listeners. This superficial reaction should by no means be the only one, though, because it discounts that low language also depresses the IQ of all those so unfortunate to be listening. \nFor those who believe in the vigor of language, the cliche must be resisted at all costs. One must go out of his or her way to avoid the store-bought expression. If you take up this excruciating exercise, you will observe the pervasiveness of modern language's degraded state. \nThis was the point of my column a few weeks back when I invoked George Orwell to advance the argument for working things out on one's own. A poor return for my labors, I must say.\nSo the plea of your humble correspondent for a new vernacular based on elevated speech (the kind that causes one's blood to rush a little faster) will likely fall on deaf ears and dull tongues. No matter: the degradation of language in our culture is a self-evident ill, and it hardly needs anyone's consent to gain legitimacy. Like it or not, and deny it who will, the way language is employed often spells the difference between someone who commands respect from others and someone who lacks it for himself.\nAll I have to impart, therefore, is to repair thy wit. If you choose to resist that challenge, to put it in decidedly less Shakespearean terms: Shut your yap.\nJust a thought.
(10/16/06 3:22pm)
During Hoosier Hysteria's dunk contest Friday night, IU coach Kelvin Sampson hopped up off the bench, ran to center court and said into the mic: "This is the worst dunk contest I've ever seen in my life."\nMaybe he made this bold statement because it was, in fact, the worst he'd ever seen, with contestants Mike White, Rod Wilmont, Xavier Keeling and Joey Shaw missing an unhealthy amount of dunks during the competition. (And isn't that the case with most dunk contests nowadays -- 10 misses for every make?)\nOr perhaps it was a statement that underlined what Sampson was getting at all last week when asked about Hoosier Hysteria -- that he's ready to be done with all the peripheral mumbo-jumbo and just get down to the business of coaching his basketball team.\n"I'm anxious to start practice tomorrow," Sampson said Friday night before he and his team took the floor. "When your season ends the previous year, you are at such a loss because you don't have a game to get ready for...I'm anxious to get started. (I'm) really excited about this team. I'm pleased with the way they've attacked preseason conditioning. These kids have worked hard, and they are going to work a whole lot harder starting tomorrow."\nSince his hiring in March, Sampson's been around the entire Hoosier state, giving speeches to organizations and allowing fans and supporters to get face time with him. He's met alumni, important group leaders and common folk. He's talked, he's courted, he's tried to make his best impression on individuals who will be watching his team intently all season. He's run his team through intense conditioning drills and weightlifting sessions. And, finally, amidst a storm of message board banter and blog posts, he's landed top recruit Eric Gordon Jr. after a see-saw battle with Illinois coach Bruce Weber.\nFrankly, he's done a lot.\nBut he hasn't done what he's wanted to do the most -- coach his Hoosier team.\n"I don't mind public speaking, I love basketball camps, I enjoy recruiting, but I love to coach," Sampson said. "There's nothing I enjoy more than coaching."\nAfter all his players stormed out on the court one-by-one and his coaching staff was introduced, the 14,000 plus in attendance Friday night started their 'Kel-vin Samp-son' chant even before the man graced the floor. Once he ran out of tunnel and onto the court, the Hoosier faithful inside Assembly Hall were loud -- the loudest they were all Friday night, in fact. He tried to speak a few times, but the cheers still hadn't quite died down yet. When the fans finally let him talk, he touched on wanting all his players to graduate, running a clean program and he and his team "competing their butts off every single night." \nWith each point he made, Assembly Hall erupted in cheers. But Sampson's not interested in the sounds of thousands of screaming fans inside his stadium.\nNot yet, anyway. \nHe's too excited about other sounds. Those of whistle blows, basketball dribbles and his players huffing and puffing in the quiet comfort of an Assembly Hall practice.
(10/16/06 3:57am)
Both IU and Iowa fans had reason to cry Saturday. \nIowa fans shed tears with shock, leaving them unable to swallow the lump in their throats. IU fans, meanwhile, cried tears of victory, as a day of deluge impeded years of drought. \nEven IU coach Terry Hoeppner was holding his emotions back, only able to focus on the sky above as an ESPN sideline reporter interviewed him after the game. \n"This is a young team just gaining confidence," coach Hoeppner said. "Obviously after last week, this is even bigger. Our football program is a shooting rocket."\nA shooting rocket? For years IU football has been as stagnate as a sea shell stuck in sand. We haven't even crawled inches, let alone yards, and suddenly in the stunning formation that only football could figure, we've turned from a sea shell stuck in the sand to a shooting rocket soaring for the stratosphere.\nWhat could have turned these tumultuous times around?\n"Attitude," coach Hep told his team before the game. "You control your attitude, and your attitude will make all the difference. ... We will win the game because of your attitude."\nFunny, I thought attitude was something that led to a smack in the face from my mother. But attitude was what led IU to smack Iowa straight in the mouth Saturday. By the time Kellen Lewis completed his third touchdown, Iowa was starry-eyed and stunned, wobbling about like a Mortal Kombat character ready for the Hoosiers to finish them.\nThat's just what Will Meyers did.\nMeyers, a senior defensive back, made the IU miracle complete with an interception that is sure to be a staple in the Hoosier football highlight reel for years to come. A tipped ball from Iowa quarterback Drew Tate flew in the air one millisecond long enough for Meyers to wrap one hand around it and field possession.\nThe one-hand grab slammed shut the door to a possible Iowa comeback and gave Hoosier fans everywhere the right to say the one word they've only uttered in jest: upset. We did the impossible and now anything -- that's right anything -- is possible. \nMy fellow Hoosiers, Saturday our football team recorded its biggest upset since 1987 -- when IU ousted then-No. 9 Ohio State at home. \nFreshman quarterback Kellen Lewis' completed his 255 passing yards with sophomore James Hardy's record-setting three-touchdown game. Freshman running back Demetrius McCray became the Hoosiers' workhorse in the second half, netting 84 key yards.\nSaturday's win against Iowa was the illumination Hep's dim record as the Hoosiers' coach needed. He deserved a game like this. He deserved a game that fueled his eternal optimism -- the same optimism that drains weekly from the crimson hearts of loyal Hoosiers. It might have taken until now, but Hep has exorcised the demons that darkened his early season woes. \nWhen the play clock finally expired, the IU players launched into a Lambeau leap across the student section. Their tired bodies were lifted by the loyalty of the IU students who have believed in these players since the start of spring. Together they rejoiced, wrapped in that single moment, bound by football's benevolence. \nSo Saturday, with a stunned smile permanently marking my face, I felt I had every right to shout the word "upset." I screamed it from "the Rock" through the rafters and onto the rooftops. \nAnd from the rooftop, I was able to make out that shooting rocket. It was the same rocket that Hep had figuratively seen hours before, a rocket that held the high hopes and hallowed dreams of IU football fans everywhere, appropriately soaring towards the stars, where wishes -- like Saturday's upset -- come true.\nI decided then and there to make another wish: I wish that IU beats Ohio State next week.\nHey, it could happen.
(10/16/06 2:53am)
A court decision came out of LaPorte, Ind., Tuesday in a case regarding Kristopher Gliva, a 20-year-old man who broke into a little girl's bedroom, snatched her from her bed, dragged her through a window, took her out behind a shed and stripped her. He might or might not have molested her before the neighbor's dog scared him away. Though she was spared any more physical injury, Gliva told her he would be back for her. \nThe judge gave this monster the maximum sentence, 18 years in prison, minus four years suspended for probation. I would like to say that while the punishment fits the crime legally, the glaringly unfitting execution of justice here makes me sick to my stomach. As young as Gliva is, 14 years in prison is a veritable slap on the wrist when compared to the destruction he wreaked on the girl's life. She has to deal with the psychological damage from that night for as long as she lives. She has to fear her own bedroom, a place that should be a child's palace. She might have to relearn trust. How long will this experience affect her ability to maintain relationships and self-confidence? What nightmares will she forever be afflicted with? The courts seem to think 14 years is plenty of time for her to get over it. In 14 years, Gliva gets to start over. The monster will get to move on. When he gets out, will he follow through on his threat and come for her again? The victim, who could not be more blameless, will be burdened with her terror forever. \nThis unconscionable error in judgment calls for a major legislative amendment. It is time to put pressure on our lawmakers to make the perpetrators of horrific crimes truly suffer. We cannot stand for them to be coddled or allowed to start over. As a constituency, we are responsible for the victims. You have the power to petition the state assembly to give justice to the innocent. Ask your legislators to create punishments that fit horrific crimes. \nIt might be hard for you to find reason to merit your effort in changing this legal error. You most likely don't have children nor expect to in the near future. However, this is about more than just the protection of other people's kids. It's about standing up and saying that our culture has no place for those who don't respect the sanctity of innocence. Acts like sexually molesting children and physically abusing the elderly or mentally challenged should be non-negotiable crimes. No second chance, no probation. When people make the choice to do something so depraved, they voluntarily give up their right to live in society. They shouldn't get to start over because their victims will never get that luxury. Until lawmakers discover a way to restore her innocence, it is an insult to that little girl and all who have suffered to give Kristopher Gliva anything resembling freedom. Ever.
(10/16/06 2:50am)
With fall come crystal blue skies, football games, apple orchards, pumpkin patches and arguably the best holiday of the year: Labor Day.\nJust kidding -- it's Halloween!\nThis Halloween, I am wearing to festivities some very stereotypical "mom jeans" (read: the top of my pants end at my breasts), a very large and unflattering T-shirt my father was given for donating blood and some stark white high-top tennis shoes I found in my mother's closet. With a wicker belt and thick, hair-sprayed bangs, I plan to make many a friend laugh with my ridiculous and very wonderful costume.\nI might be an anomaly among college women, however, when it comes to my outfit -- mostly because I'll be wearing one.\nIn "Mean Girls" (one of the most provocative and meaningful media texts of our time ... sort of), Lindsey Lohan's character explains that Halloween costume politics are vastly different for young adults than for children -- especially women. \nLittle girls -- appropriately -- wear full-body bunny costumes or dress as Minnie Mouse with adorable big ruffly skirts and painted noses. Meanwhile, college women resemble their favorite exotic dancer (whom they might claim is a "'50s pin-up girl" -- making it more respectable?) or, as we see in Mean Girls, don a headband with animal ears and a string for underpants, calling it a kitten or some other baby animal.\nStill, I don't think there is anything intrinsically "bad" about (un)dressing so scantily in public -- I just like to make fun of it a whole lot. \nI do think it's important for women who choose such noncostumes to consider their motives. \nIf it is because knocking men off their feet by unabashedly baring your body is something that appeals to you and is essential for your self-esteem, well, I'm sure you're not the only one.\nIt's really not a woman's fault that sparking male interest is essential for her well-being. From early on, little girls are trained to "desire to be desired" by movies and television shows depicting heterosexual romance. \nIf this is the reason you're wearing pasties and a lace thong to a party, please keep in mind that you're only reinforcing the idea -- so loved and continually generated by the popular culture -- that a woman's body is an object to be gazed at. \nYou're reinforcing the idea that women are primarily sex objects.\nNow, this is not to say that anyone should be permitted to use your outfit as an invitation for sexual assault. You have the right to wear whatever the hell you want without being violated.\nYou also have the right to contribute to changing constraining and negative ideas about femininity and womanhood by avoiding stripper-esque costumes.\nIs it unfair that I'm asking only women to regulate their costumes? Yes. Is the binary system of gender that dominates our culture also unfair? Yes.\nSo let's all wear clothes on Halloween together!\nOh, and I'll trade you my Snickers for your 3 Musketeers.
(10/16/06 2:48am)
Sorry, Interfraternity Council, but we don't buy it.\nHowever, before dismissing your successful lobbying to allow regulated parties as a policy that will go down in flames, you deserve at least a few words of praise.\nYou advocate the use of designated drivers. Many kudos to you for taking this step. Guests at your "bring your own beer" parties will be screened, and underage partygoers will be drinking A&W, not PBR. Good for you for not facilitating the intoxication of 18- to 20-year-olds. Limitations on the type and amount of drinks involved and a ban on drinking games should help prevent dangerous bingeing. Again, a good move.\nUnfortunately, we cannot help but suspect that these measures are nothing more than the proverbial fleece over the IU community's eyes.\nLet's be honest. At first glance, these new regulations seem strict, but the potential for under or nonenforcement is glaringly obvious. Your "Party Patrol" (coming from your own membership) would be responsible for monitoring parties. Excuse us, but this sounds like the blind leading the blind. How are snitches viewed in prison? The same way alcohol enforcers are viewed on college campuses. \nEveryone knows what happens inside your houses Friday and Saturday nights. Many of us have attended functions inside your homes, functions that didn't exactly serve cake and Kool-Aid. BYOB parties, as you call them, will do nothing to change the perception that, under a facade of personal development and community service, you are about nothing beyond partying. The fact that you've tried so hard to achieve officially permitted drinking merely confirms what outsiders already think of your organization. Congratulations, IFC! You've institutionalized your own stereotype.\nThere's nothing wrong with partying, and there's certainly nothing wrong with promoting safe, responsible drinking. The crucial question here is of intention. We, on the outside, view your program as an illusionist's smoke and mirrors -- a show for the authorities to make everyone appear more responsible before returning to the status quo. \nWe'd love to be proven wrong.\nThe ball is in your court. You have a policy, now stick to it!
(10/16/06 2:44am)
SAN BENITO, Texas -- Freddy Fender, the "Bebop Kid" of the Texas-Mexico border who later turned his twangy tenor into the smash country ballad "Before the Next Teardrop Falls," died Saturday. He was 69.\nFender, who was diagnosed with lung cancer in early 2006, died at noon at his Corpus Christi, Texas, home with his family at his bedside, said Ron Rogers, a family spokesman.\nOver the years, Fender grappled with drug and alcohol abuse, was treated for diabetes and underwent a kidney transplant.\nFender hit it big in 1975 after some regional success, years of struggling and a stint in prison when "Before the Next Teardrop Falls" climbed to No. 1 on the pop and country charts.\n"Wasted Days and Wasted Nights" rose to No. 1 on the country chart and top 10 on the pop chart that same year, while "Secret Love" and "You'll Lose a Good Thing" also hit No. 1 in the country charts.\nBorn Baldemar Huerta, Fender was proud of his Mexican-American heritage and frequently sang verses or whole songs in Spanish. "Teardrop" had a verse in Spanish.\n"Whenever I run into prejudice," he told the Washington Post in 1977, "I smile and feel sorry for them, and I say to myself, 'There's one more argument for birth control.'\n"The Old Man upstairs rolled a seven on me," he told The Associated Press in 1975. "I hope he keeps it up."\nMore recently, he played with Doug Sahm, Flaco Jimenez and others in two Tex-Mex all-star combos: the Texas Tornados and Los Super Seven.\nHe won a Grammy for Best Latin Pop Album in 2002 for "La Musica de Baldemar Huerta." He also shared in two Grammys: the first with the Texas Tornados, which won in 1990 for best Mexican-American performance for "Soy de San Luis," and the second with Los Super Seven in the same category in 1998 for "Los Super Seven."\nAmong his other achievements, Fender appeared in the 1987 motion picture "The Milagro Beanfield War," directed by Robert Redford.\nIn February 1999, Fender was awarded a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame after then-Texas Gov. George W. Bush wrote to the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce endorsing him.\nFender said in a 2004 interview with The Associated Press that there was one thing would make his musical career complete: induction into the Country Music Hall of Fame in Nashville.\n"Hopefully I'll be the first Mexican-American going into Hillbilly Heaven," he said.\nFender was born in 1937 in San Benito, the South Texas border town credited for spawning the Mexican-polka sound of conjunto. The son of migrant workers who did his own share of picking crops, he was also exposed to the blues sung by blacks alongside the Mexicans in the fields.\nAlways a performer, Fender sang on the radio as a boy and won contests for his singing -- one prize included a tub full of about $10 worth of food.\nBut his career really began in the late '50s, when he returned from serving in the Marines and recorded Spanish-language versions of Elvis Presley's "Don't Be Cruel" and Harry Belafonte's "Jamaica Farewell." The recordings were hits in Mexico and South America.\nHe signed with Imperial Records in 1959, renaming himself "Fender" after the brand of his electric guitar and "Freddy" because it sounded good with Fender.\nFender initially recorded "Wasted Days" in 1960. But his career was put on hold shortly after, when he and his bass player ended up spending almost three years in prison in Angola, La., for marijuana possession.\nAfter prison came a few years in New Orleans and a then an everyday life taking college classes, working as a mechanic and playing an occasional local gig. He once said he sang in bars so dingy he performed with his eyes shut "dreaming I was on 'The Ed Sullivan Show.'"\n"I felt there's no great American dream for this ex-Chicano migrant farm worker," he told the AP. "I'd picked too many crops and too many strings."\nBut his second break came when he was persuaded to record "Before the Next Teardrop Falls" on an independent label in 1974 and it was picked up by a major label. With its success, he won the Academy of Country Music's best new artist award in 1975. He re-released "Wasted Days and Wasted Nights" and it climbed to the top of the charts as well.\nCristina Balli, spokeswoman for the Narciso Martinez Cultural Arts Center in San Benito, said Fender illustrated the diversity of Mexican-American and Latino musicians.\n"We have our feet in different worlds and different cultures," she said. "We have our roots music ... but then we branch out to other things, pick up different styles. I think he was the precursor to Los Lonely Boys."\nFender's later years were marred by health problems resulting in a kidney transplant from his daughter, Marla Huerta Garcia, in January 2002 and a liver transplant in 2004. Fender was to have lung surgery in early 2006 until surgeons found tumors.\n"I feel very comfortable in my life," Fender told the Corpus Christi Caller-Times in August. "I'm one year away from 70 and I've had a good run. I really believe I'm OK. In my mind and in my heart, I feel OK. I cannot complain that I haven't lived long enough, but I'd like to live longer."\nRogers said Fender will be brought back to San Benito for a funeral and memorial services. Details on the arrangements were pending.
(10/16/06 2:44am)
DALLAS -- A building boom that would add scores of new coal-fired power plants to the nation's power grid is creating a new dilemma for politicians, environmentalists and utility companies across the United States.\nShould power companies be permitted to build new plants that pollute more but are reliable and less expensive? Or should regulators push utilities toward cleaner burning coal plants, even if it means they will cost more and are based on newer, yet still unproven, technology?\nHow those questions are answered will have huge implications over the next few decades. It could determine how Americans light, heat and cool their homes and businesses, the rate of return on utility investments and the potential environmental impact of the new plants.\nNowhere do these competing interests play out with such force as in Texas, where 16 new coal-fired plants are proposed, 11 of them by Dallas-based TXU Corp., the state's biggest power company.\nThe scope of TXU's five-year, $10 billion plan is considered bellwether and being closely watched by industry analysts, lawmakers, competitors and environmentalists across the United States.\n"TXU put its stake in the ground and said it will (build the plants) faster and cheaper than anyone else," said Daniele M. Seitz, analyst with investment firm Dahlman Rose. "So they have something to prove."\nThe company is hardly alone\nSome 154 new coal-fired plants are on the drawing board in 42 states. Texas and Illinois are the only states in which 10 or more plants are planned, according to the National Energy Technology Laboratory.\nEnergy analysts say factors driving coal's resurgence are soaring power demands, volatile natural gas prices and a favorable investment market.\nCoal now accounts for about 50 percent of the power generated in the United States. By the year 2030, that share will increase to 57 percent, according to Energy Department forecasts.\nThe United States has the world's largest coal reserves, enough to last the next 200 to 250 years, analysts believe.\nLarry Makovich, managing director for consulting group Cambridge Energy Research Associates, said the urgency to bring more power-generating plants online cannot be understated.\n"A fundamental reality of the power business is there is no single fuel of choice, so if you are going to survive in the long run, you need to have a good mix of fuels and technologies," he said. "If we are going to keep supply and demand in balance, you're looking at a five-year lead time, so you have to get started building these plants now."\nThe argument over how TXU should build power-generating plants plays out almost daily with critics and proponents weighing in on the potential merits and drawbacks of the company's plans.\nTXU says the proposed plants will meet the state's growing demand for power, give a sorely needed economic boost to nearby small towns and will reduce toxic emissions by replacing older, less efficient plants.\n"The coal plant of today is so much cleaner; it makes so much less emissions than what most Americans and Texans can conjure," said Mike McCall, chief executive of TXU's wholesale division. "It can be a good viable resource without really harming the environment."\nCritics, however, counter the company is driven by profits and is rushing to beat more stringent federal restrictions on carbon dioxide emissions in an era of escalating concerns over global warming. Texas already produces more carbon dioxide than any other state, a fact that worries big city mayors downwind of the proposed plants.\nThe debate soon could end up in federal court. Dallas attorney Rick Addison recently announced plans to sue TXU, alleging potential violations of the federal Clean Air Act.\n"It's remarkable and unnecessary the amount of pollutants they are going to put in the air," said Addison, a member of the Houston-based Locke Liddell and Sapp law firm. "The only way to get these issues resolved is at the highest level and reviewed under the appropriate law."\nThe battle lines were drawn April 20, when TXU Chief Executive John Wilder announced the company's plans shortly after much of Texas underwent a rolling power blackout. Since then, each side has assembled a team of backers comprised of affected residents, lawmakers and lawyers.\nIn Colorado City, Texas, a town of 4,100 about 10 miles from where TXU wants to place one of the plants, civic leaders and lawmakers support the venture. They believe it will be an economic boon to the sleepy West Texas town, said Mayor Jim Baum.\nDallas Mayor Laura Miller and Houston Mayor Bill White recently formed a coalition of 17 mayors opposing the TXU's 11 proposed plants and five others being considered by other Texas companies. The group has lined up law firms statewide bracing for a courtroom battle.\nMiller recently spent a week visiting existing TXU plants, as well as a coal gasification plant in Tampa, Fla., that turns coal into gas and removes the pollutants before the fuel is burned.\nCoal gasification plants can cost up to 20 percent more to build than a conventional plant, but they also can be more efficient to operate and save utilities the hassle and expense of adding pollution-control devices.
(10/16/06 2:44am)
I am not political. I would rather watch a "Meerkat Manor" marathon than watch a political debate. I'm too busy getting anti-Ugg boot petitions signed to read about Iraq, so my knowledge of politics is limited. \nBut this is what I know: I know our president can't pronounce the word "nuclear," and he's slightly less eloquent than an intoxicated 6-year-old. I know I miss Bill Clinton because he had a kinky sex life and he could play the saxophone! (I'm sure George W. Bush couldn't even play the recorder if he tried.) Most importantly, I know I'm a Democrat because their promotional T-shirt selection is a hell of a lot better.\nSearching for a clever Republican T-shirt is like trying to find fruits and vegetables in Raven Symone's fridge. You might find one lonely, moldy head of lettuce wedged among a lifetime supply of Nutrageous bars and ranch dressing. Similarly, if you look hard enough, you can maybe spot a "Bush Rocks!" or "I Heart War" ringer tee roaming the streets. Maybe. They might be on the clearance rack at Aéropostale.\nRepublican T-shirts can't be funny because, really, what do Republicans have to laugh at? \nWell, for one, they're depriving well-deserving couples of happiness and generous tax breaks because they have a different sexual preference. (Separation of church and state, yeah right).\nDemocratic T-shirts, on the other hand, are a riot. "Vote Bush: Fascism Rocks." Now that is funny. How about a graphic of some furry pubic hair next to our president's goofy face reading "Good Bush ... Bad Bush"? When was the last time a Republican made a political comparison using hairy genitalia? Actually, when was the last time a Republican admitted to even having genitalia?\n"I do not!" Roger Republican says. "There's nothing down there, I swear!"\nNow I'm not saying that Dems are better because they're witty and have great silk-screening connections. It's because donkeys are way better pets than elephants. They're a lot less demanding, and they don't require nearly as many peanuts.\nKidding! It's because Republicans are idealists and Democrats are realists, and idealists are never funny.\nFor example, we shouldn't make emergency contraception available to girls under the age of 16 because they shouldn't be having sex, right? Yeah, that's realistic. Let's just stop selling everything that's unhealthy or immoral: Marlboro Lights, Starbucks, velour sweatpants. That'll fix Congress' problems.\nMaybe if certain Republican members of Congress spent more time being honest about the country's issues and less time instant messaging "Do I make you horny?" to 16-year-old boys, we'd be in better shape. \nMy point is this: Republicans aren't funny because they're too busy dreaming about how the country should be. Democrats are funny because, well, Republicans give us a lot of motivation for ridicule. Also because we're just trying to be honest about the way things are. In the end, isn't the truth funnier than anything else?\nToday, the truth is the man running our country says words like "misunderestimated." Now that, America, is funny.
(10/16/06 2:43am)
WASHINGTON - Two leading Republican senators called Sunday for a new strategy in Iraq, saying the situation is getting worse and leaving the United States with few options.\nSens. Chuck Hagel of Nebraska and John Warner of Virginia are part of the growing list of Republicans speaking out against President Bush's current plan for Iraq as U.S. casualties rise.\n"The American people are not going to continue to support, sustain a policy that puts American troops in the middle of a civil war," Hagel said on CNN's "Late Edition."\nHagel said he agreed with Warner, chairman of the Senate Armed Services Committee, who said after a recent visit to Iraq that Iraq was "drifting sideways." Warner has urged consideration of a change of course if the Iraq government fails to restore order over the next two or three months.\nWarner said Sunday he stands by that assessment, and even in the week since his trip to Iraq there has been an "exponential increase in the killings and the savagery that's going on over there."\n"You can see some movement forward, but a lot of movement back," Warner said on "Face the Nation" on CBS. "We have to rethink all the options, except any option which says we precipitously pull out, which would let that country fall into a certain civil war at that time, and all of the neighboring countries would be destabilized."\nBush told reporters last week he invites a change in strategy if the plan isn't working. He also said the United States will not leave until the job is done.\nHagel said it is time to change course, but "our options are limited."\n"We need to find a new strategy, a way out of Iraq, because the entire Middle East is more combustible than it's been probably since 1948, and more dangerous," Hagel said. "And we're in the middle of it."\nDemocrats long have urged a change in Iraq policy. Sen. Carl Levin of Michigan, the leading Democrat on the Senate Armed Services Committee, said there is "no military solution to this conflict" and the United States must pressure Iraqis to take over their country.\n"If they're going to have a civil war, they're going to have to do it without us," Levin said on CNN. "This is long overdue. We've got to focus Iraqi leadership attention on this by telling them we need to begin a phased redeployment of American troops from Iraq within the next few months"