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(09/29/06 3:17am)
If the terrorists attack, we all had better know what we're going to do because there ain't no comin' back from the dead. What does that mean for those of us in Bloomington? If you're confused, frightened, alone or just can't stop laughing at our country's security madness, I've provided a plan. Follow it and you'll survive any attack, whether biological, nuclear, ideological or good ol'-fashioned fist fight.\n• Prepare. First things first: Industrial-grade terrorist repellent. Scientific research has found that the combination of Coca-Cola, lemonade, sweat from a Mississippian named Jethro who wears faded American flag T-shirts, tobacco juice from Jethro's grandmother and a picture of John F. Kennedy smiling, all compacted within an aerosol can, is extremely effective in combating terrorists. Apparently, upon contact with the terrorists' skin, they'll immediately pee their pants and spontaneously combust. Be sure to keep a can in your preparation kit next to your machete, whistle, antibiotic ointment, cigarette lighter, duct tape, handle of Skol vodka and packet of cheese crackers. Also, stash a paper bag. This will be used to cover your ass when Osama bin Laden drops the big one on the Red, White and Blue.\n• Plan. Find a place to hide. A basement, bathroom, one of the local IU pubs or a swimming pool will be effective (that last one requires that margaritas be on hand). Then make sure your significant other and/or children know where to meet you. If you don't have a significant other, find someone else who doesn't, and invite them to share your terrorism shelter. You could be there for a long, long, long, long time. Some sex might be nice -- necessary even, if you have to repopulate the human race after World War III.\n• Stay informed. This means knowing when the dependable U.S. of A. has sent those terrorists packing and removed their country's government -- whether totalitarian, communist, democratic or Swedish in nature -- using tanks, bombs and American pride. It also means you should keep up to date on whether Terrell Owens tried to book his own flight to the clouds and whether Bennifer will be reunited. Not to mention checking the score from Assembly Hall (go Hoosiers!). Also, do your best to see if that e-mail you sent to Dave got through. Oh, and text your mom to let her know you haven't mutated from radiation poisoning. Did you turn the oven off?\nAnd if you say screw it to having a plan (like I will), meet me down on Kirkwood. As a great poet once said, "If we die here tonight, that's OK. At least we'll die together." Cheers.
(09/29/06 3:15am)
What kind of ice cream best describes you? Which Disney character are you most like and why? What is your favorite sexually transmitted disease?\nWhat do these three questions have in common? They could be potential queries from an old TV favorite: "The Dating Game."\nAs a kid, I was quite the little fan of "The Dating Game." It was intriguing to watch a woman or man choose from three members of the opposite sex based only on a few random and seemingly pointless questions. At the end of the show, the bachelor or bachelorette made his or her selection and was visibly disappointed when the really attractive contestants exited stage right, while he or she was stuck with the noticeably less physically appealing contestant with "a good personality."\nSo of course, after hearing that Teter, my dorm, would be holding a dating game at the "Teter Fiesta," I signed up immediately. Was I going to meet the man of my dreams? Not likely. Was I going to come off as desperate? Probably. Was I going to be humiliated?\nAbsolutely.\nAfter sitting down next to the other contestants, I took a look around. There were five beautiful blondes burning with optimism. I became a little nervous until the announcer said, "OK, if you are blonde, you can leave." Gawking, I watched as all of the blondes left with heavy sighs and disappointed looks. Apparently, Mr. Bachelor had a thing for the brown-headed babes. \nDuring the blonde exodus, I noticed a male candidate sitting next to me. I gave him a funny look and he smiled sheepishly back. "I'm just in it for the free dinner," he assured me. Then he added: "I'm also really drunk! I can't wait until this is over, so I can go back to my room and drink some more!"\nThe questions grew ever more personal as the game went on, and eventually the competition was narrowed down to contestants one and five. Sadly, I didn't make that cut, and I was forced to stand up and join the ranks of dateless losers.\nApproximately 10 minutes later, contestant five took the walk of shame while contestant one hugged her "prize."\nAfter all was said and done, I realized how absurd the whole activity was. With my prior knowledge of "The Dating Game," it should have been obvious from the beginning that it would leave the contestants with a feeling of rejection and no chance of a real connection. \nEven though I regretted participating in "The Dating Game" for quite some time, I now believe it was an overall fulfilling experience: I had a microphone shoved in my face, I saw five blondes get shut down and I got to meet a drunk. How often does that happen on a Sunday?\nAnd, hey, if you like the chance to win a free dinner for two at Fazoli's, "The Dating Game" might be just the thing for you.
(09/29/06 3:15am)
In 1690, philosopher John Locke wrote that there is some degree of madness in almost everyone. In 1981, Stephen King wrote that everyone is "mentally ill."\nThese men were not suggesting that everybody belongs in a psych ward, just that nobody is perfect. We all have our faults, twitches and insecurities. Sometimes we are aware of these conditions but do not realize the magnitude in which they affect us. Even more often, we are unaware of these conditions altogether. \nAlthough college is meant to be the time of our lives, it can also be a constant struggle. It is important for a human being to have some type of emotional outlet. An artist can sketch a drawing and hang it on the wall, an athlete can jog and achieve the "runner's high," or a musician can compose a song and have a hit video on "TRL."\nCrazy sells, too. Remember Beyoncé's "Crazy in Love"? What about KC & JoJo's "Crazy," the song that thousands of teenagers lost their virginities to on prom night? Britney Spears had a song called "(You Drive Me) Crazy." It later turned into a movie about how Melissa Joan Hart drove Adrian Grenier crazy. Or was it the other way around? \nThe point is, if you don't have an outlet, your problems could bottle up until they explode. And a "TRL" hit isn't always worth it.\nLuckily for IU students, there is Counseling and Psychological Services. Located on the fourth floor of the Health Center, CAPS has programs on everything from alcohol abuse to test anxiety. Its staff consists of psychologists, psychiatrists and social workers, and its services are available to all IU students. Any student taking three or more on-campus credit hours and who paid a health fee is entitled to two free counseling sessions per semester. \nAccording to CAPS director Nancy J. Stockton, 6 percent to 7 percent of IU students attend counseling, while more than 50 percent are part of an outreach program. College students, like everyone else, are prone to anxiety and depression.\nBut don't think you can't be helped. Stockton concluded that the success of therapy is often determined by the individual's "readiness for change" and that it is common that a student can be suffering from a serious problem without even knowing it. Perhaps this is why the CAPS program conducts four screenings based on anxiety disorder, alcohol awareness, body image and eating disorders, and depression. The results are frequently surprising. With improvements in modern medicine, Stockton says more young people who suffer from serious mental diseases are now able to attend college. So if you're ever feeling overwhelmingly anxious, glum or have an addiction issue, CAPS could be the answer. To reach the CAPS program, you can visit the Web site at www.healthcenter.indiana.edu/caps or call its offices at 855-5711.\nAfter all, if therapy can help Tony Soprano, maybe it can help you, too.
(09/29/06 3:07am)
A new group on campus is attempting to convince students to participate in public discussion of political issues. Democracy Plaza plans to have panel discussion sessions where students can voice their opinions and listen to experts speak. The group also plans to put dry erase boards up in various locations across campus that will ask specific questions about current issues. Students will respond via marker.\nOn the surface, this looks like a great idea. Promoting public discussion among college students is a noble cause, to be sure. But will it work? Democracy Plaza has a lot of issues to deal with before it can become successful.\nGetting student participation is inherently difficult. The first Democracy Plaza panel discussion drew few students. There are so many groups and activities at IU that Democracy Plaza must find an innovative advertising scheme to get a large number of students to show up. What does the group offer that makes its panel discussion any better than if students just stayed in their dorm and talked about politics with their friends? There are certainly many students with the willingness to share their political views and debate, but to get them to regularly attend, Democracy Plaza must prove it has something special to offer. \nThe panel members are a possible edge. Their experience could add an element to the discussion that fellow students might not. In its first event, however, we believe Democracy Plaza took a step in the wrong direction. There was a lack of controversy between the two lecturers, professor of law Kevin D. Brown and political science department chairman Jeff Isaac. If the group wishes to portray itself as one solely promoting discussion, it should offer more perspectives. We acknowledge the possibility that these two panel members might have been the only professors available for the first event. However, perhaps postponing the event might have been a better option if the group prefers to be seen as non-partisan. If Democracy Plaza wants to be successful and stay true to its stated goals, its next discussion should offer a wider range of panelists.\nDespite the success the dry erase boards apparently had at IUPUI, we doubt the same will occur at IU. A quick walk through of any residence hall will show that dry erase boards are not a place for enlightened discussion. A mechanism in college students' brains inhibits them from writing anything intelligent with a dry erase marker. Therefore, we envision the boards as a mix between a few hastily written, barely legible rants on a chosen subject, followed by a number of entries like "Your mom is a strict constitutionalist!" The possibility for the boards to devolve into name calling forums is a very real one. When tempers flare over what someone wrote about a person's mother, it's not always pretty. We don't want to see students leaving residence hall lobbies with markers up their noses.\nGood luck, Democracy Plaza: You've got a long road ahead of you.
(09/28/06 4:00am)
Chargers strong safety Terrence Kiel admitted to shipping at least two parcels of prescription cough syrup to Texas, Drug Enforcement Administration officials said Wednesday, one day after the player was arrested at team headquarters.\nWhile Kiel did not tell the DEA his motive, the agency in Texas has found widespread abuse of codeine-based cough syrup mixed with soft drinks or drugs and referred to as "lean," said John S. Fernandes, the special agent in charge of the San Diego office. A pint bottle of "lean" can cost between $200 and $325 on the street, he said.\nKiel grew up in Lufkin, Texas, and played at Texas A&M.\nKiel was arrested on two counts of transporting a controlled substance and three counts of possession of a controlled substance with intent to sell. He is scheduled to be arraigned Tuesday.\nThe DEA is investigating where Kiel got the cough syrup, who else might be involved and the intent.\nTwo federal law enforcement officials, speaking on condition of anonymity because of the ongoing investigation, said quart bottles full of what appears to be prescription cough syrup were found at Kiel's house. Both officials said Kiel admitted to financial difficulties when interviewed by agents.\nKiel is making $500,000 this year, his fourth with the Chargers.\nKiel's status for Sunday's game at Baltimore was not immediately known. He was jailed Tuesday and released on bail.\nChargers general manager A.J. Smith and coach Marty Schottenheimer did not return several phone calls from The Associated Press seeking comment.\n"We're aware of an off-the-field situation involving Terrence Kiel, and we're monitoring the situation," the team said in a statement issued Tuesday night. "Due to the personal nature of the ongoing legal investigation, the Chargers are withholding further comment until the matter is resolved legally."\nKiel's agent Vann McElroy said he couldn't comment on specifics of the case.\n"Terrence is a good kid. We just have to wait and see," McElroy said.\nFernandes said the two shipments Kiel admitted to sending to Texas each contained prescription cough syrup that had been repackaged in pint-sized water bottles.\nOn Tuesday, Kiel was called off the practice field after authorities arrived at Chargers headquarters. Kiel was taken into the locker room, detained and read his rights, Fernandes said. His locker wasn't searched, but authorities searched his car, then took him to his house to execute a search warrant.\nFernandes said codeine-based cough syrup can be used to enhance, mitigate or temper other drugs, including cocaine and PCP.\n"It goes right to the heart of what really is fueling an already out-of-control, raging fire of abuse of pharmaceutical drugs," Fernandes said.\nKiel was a second-round draft pick in 2003.\nThree months after being drafted, Kiel was shot three times during an attempted carjacking in Houston. He returned to play as a rookie in all 16 games, including eight starts.\nIt was the fourth run-in with the law by a Chargers player since April.\nOutside linebacker Steve Foley was shot three times outside his suburban home Sept. 3 by an off-duty Coronado police officer who suspected him of drunk driving. Foley will miss the entire season and forfeit at least $775,000 in pay.\nFoley and linebacker Shaun Phillips were each arrested for scuffling with San Diego police officers a week apart in April. Neither was charged.
(09/28/06 3:59am)
Tiki Barber and Brandon Jacobs overpowered the Indianapolis Colts run defense. Fred Taylor and Maurice Drew shredded it.\nThree games into the season, the Colts have struggled to stop any team this side of the grounded Houston Texans, but players and coaches aren't worried yet.\nSure, they all agree improvement is needed, but they don't think a major overhaul is needed.\n"No concerns," three-time Pro Bowl defensive end Dwight Freeney said Wednesday. "It all goes to the game and who won the game. The bottom line is if they score 17 points, chances are they're not going to win."\nSuch an explanation may suffice now since the Colts are 3-0.\nClearly, though, coach Tony Dungy has a different perspective. Dungy typically does not elaborate publicly about errors, but over the past three weeks he has said the run defense has struggled primarily because of blown assignments and over-aggressiveness.\nAll Dungy wants them to do is stay in the right gaps and make sound tackles. Players have gotten the message.\n"We made our mistakes and I wish you all could see the film as closely as we do," defensive tackle Montae Reagor said. "It's not being on your side, being overanxious, overrunning the ball. There's nothing wrong with pursuing, but we had that happen a few times."\nThe Colts discount another explanation for their early-season woes -- the absence of run-stuffing defensive tackle Corey Simon, a former Pro Bowler.\nSimon, the biggest lineman on the Colts roster at 300 pounds, has not played this season because of a left knee injury. He had arthroscopic surgery last month and had hoped to be back the season-opener. So far it hasn't happened, and team president Bill Polian said on his weekly radio show Monday night that Simon was undergoing more tests.\nDungy isn't sure when Simon will return.\nBut Dungy doesn't believe that his revamped front four has suddenly become too small.\n"We're certainly not clicking on all cylinders," he said. "But our run defense has nothing to do with size at all. They (Jacksonville) blocked well and ran well, and it's really not even about the tackling. We've got to be in the right spots. The positive side of the equation is we've made plays when we needed to."\nWhether it's Simon's absence, the loss of two starters -- defensive tackle Larry Tripplett and linebacker David Thornton, or the fact that the defense played most of the pre-season without half its starters, the difference from last season has been noticeable.\nIn 2005, the Colts ranked 11th in overall defense, 16th against the run and allowed the second fewest points (247) in the NFL.\nThis season the Colts are ranked 22nd overall in defense, 28th against the run and have allowed nearly 20 points per game. The four teams below them in run defense are all winless.\nDungy has tried to alleviate worries with his usually calm demeanor.\n"I choose to look at it as we're still getting better," he said. "Against Jacksonville, it really wasn't very pretty for the first 30 minutes, but we played with more energy and urgency the second 30 minutes. It wasn't necessarily better, but we got away with a victory."\nFor a team that relies on the motto "no excuses, no explanations," finding answers has not been easy.\nThe Giants and Jaguars, both playoff teams last year, have relied on strong ground games to do much of their damage. New York piled up 186 yards rushing on 28 carries, while Jacksonville had 191 yards on 40 carries including 105 yards rushing in the first quarter Sunday.\nEven the Texans, who lost their top back Domanick Davis for the season because of a bone bruise that caused soreness in his knee, were successful against the Colts. Houston has relied on a backfield-by-committee this year, still had 108 yards on 23 carries against Indianapolis.\n"It's not being where we're supposed to be," linebacker Gary Brackett said. "A lot of times on a draw play, that happens."\nThe initial thought was that Indianapolis (3-0) was struggling primarily against power runners, like Jacobs who had 54 yards on eight carries and scored one TD in the Giants' season-opener.\nMore recently, shifty runners have given the Colts just as many problems. Drew finished with 103 yards Sunday, and Taylor had 74.\nThe good news may be that they face the New York Jets and Tennessee Titans, two teams that rank among the bottom fourth of the league in rushing this season, the next two weeks.\nThen again, the Colts aren't worried about numbers. They just want to get it right.\n"The goal every week is to get better," Reagor said. "Last week, made too many mistakes in the run game and missed too many mistakes. That can be corrected. It's nothing to panic about since we're only three games into the season"
(09/28/06 2:51am)
Columnist brings doom
(09/28/06 2:47am)
Coffee is hot.\nAccording to a recent beverage statistics report, it's the most popular beverage in the world. There are more than 400 billion cups consumed each year -- more than eggnog, Fresca, celery juice, Panda breast milk, lava and Ovaltine combined.\nCoffee is loved, foremost, for its delectable taste. Each sip is like a liquid lap dance, giving the tongue a sensuously caffeinated shimmy of erotic, bean-filled delight. \nEven more amazing -- coffee is good for your health! Studies indicate that coffee can lower rates of colon and rectal cancer, thanks, of course, to Folgers' new line of coffee suppositories -- the 17th best part of waking up. \nWhether by insertion, ingestion or immaculate consumption, coffee has found its way to the stomachs -- and hearts -- of millions. And its popularity keeps spreading. \nIt's the chlamydia of beverages.\nIn the musical "Rent," writer Jonathan Larson suggests that life itself can be measured in cups of coffee. Moreover, I believe life is quite like coffee. A miraculous macchiato. A confounding cappuccino. An invigorating and empowering drink -- one that should be savored to the last drop. \nThis realization struck me last weekend as I watched my grandmother's life cling to that very drop. \nAppropriately enough, when I received the call that she was having a heart attack, I was holding a cup myself.\nMcDonald's. No cream, no sugar. Just black.\nA color soon contrasted by the pallor of my grandmother's skin. At the hospital, I watched her through the door's tiny window. An oxygen mask was over her mouth, attached to a tangled web of cords. \nHer face was pale, almost blank -- a stark contrast from her usual vibrancy. \nShe always looked so healthy and colorful, wearing clothes with bright jewels and crystals. As a child, I would routinely marvel at them, watching them glisten in the light. \nWhen I came out, years later, my grandmother told me that had been her first clue. \n"The gays certainly love their gemstones," she said. \nThen she hugged me. Now here she was, even more vulnerable and exposed, and all I wanted to do was hug her back. \nFor hours, we waited, sipping on cups of stale hospital coffee. It tasted awful -- bitter and depressing, like liquid divorce -- but emitted a comforting warmth in a place that felt so cold. And when I was half finished with my third cup, the doctor gave us the news. \nLuckily, the cup was half full. \nHer vitals had stabilized. She was regaining consciousness. And when she opened her eyes, her irises shone like blue crystals, with a shade so deep you could sink to the bottom. \nBeautiful. \nThe next day I visited her, bearing glorious gifts from the Dollar Tree -- a teddy bear, balloons and a neon-green glow bracelet -- to jazz up the otherwise dull hospital wristlets. \nAfter she finished opening the gifts, I asked her if she wanted anything else. \n"Cream and sugar," she said, picking up her steaming cup of coffee from the table. "My nurse forgot."\n"Why didn't you just remind her?" I asked. \n"Because," she said, completely unaware of the following irony, "I didn't have the heart."\nWith that, I smiled and gave her a hug. \n"I love you, Grams," I said, squeezing her into oblivion. "You are ... the ultimate badass"
(09/28/06 2:46am)
I have two classes in which the professor doesn't know my name or really anybody else's for that matter. \nBig deal, you say; it's college. Classes are too big for professors to know the names of their students. \nBut that's the kicker, you see. Each of these classes is about 20 students strong. Is it really that hard to memorize our names, or do they simply not care? \nGasp. Did she just imply that a member of the distinguished IU faculty does not care about his or her bright and impressionable students?\nYup. I did. \nTake a typical day in a certain one of my classes. We all walk in and sit down in our self-designated assigned seats without a word to anybody else in the room except for our immediate neighbors -- because, apparently, the professor didn't think it was a good idea for us to introduce ourselves in the first week. \nThe professor walks in, clicks the PowerPoint on and begins: "In 1975 John Doe wrote his theory on blah blah blah which blah blah blah and some find comparable to Joe Schmoe's theory of the blah blah."\n(Dramatic Pause.) \nHe points. "You there, with the red shirt, do you think John Doe is comparable to Joe Schmoe?" \nRed Shirt Boy mumbles something pretty off base, but it's enough to satisfy the professor to return to his PowerPoint, and the whole cycle is repeated. \nPerhaps I'm overly demanding or overly critical of my honorable instructors, but I always assumed that, whenever possible, a professor would attempt to foster an environment of familiarity and open discussion amongst students and himself. \nWe've all read articles and heard complaints from faculty members who say they wish they could engage more students in discussion but that there seems to be an overwhelming lack of interest. \nWe might be very interested; we might be sitting there seething at something, craving a debate, wanting to speak out. \nBut, naturally, what value will we put in our own minds when, in a class of merely 20 people, an Ivy League-educated, Ph.D.-holding instructor reduces us to Red Shirt Boy and Curly-Haired Girl? \nNaturally, I'm not saying all instructors are like this. I have a wonderful teacher who does the exact opposite. Not only does she memorize our names, but if we don't participate in discussion everyday, we get points taken off. That, combined with her animated teaching method, has opened up even the shyest students. \nMany professors are interested in knowing who you are, in knowing why you decided to take their class. Sure, we students might tire of the beginning of the semester routine of "My name is Bob, I'm a biology major, and I'm in this class because I was interested in the mating habits of the aardvark." \nBut in the end, it's worth it.
(09/28/06 2:45am)
If you plan to visit the Indiana Statehouse next year, leave your gun at home -- unless you're an elected state senator or representative. Lawmakers are welcome to come to work packing heat.\nOne never knows when congressional debates might get out of hand, I suppose.\nIn an effort to increase security measures at the Indiana Statehouse, metal detectors will be installed next year and ordinary citizens will have to give up their concealed firearms at the door if they wish to enter the building. Gun-toting Indiana lawmakers and judges may register their weapons with the Indiana State Police and carry their guns to work, but no other Statehouse employees are eligible for this exemption. \nState Senator Thomas Wyss, R-Fort Wayne, explained that lawmakers and judges are exempt from the weapons restriction to "minimize the people who might oppose what we were trying to do" and block the security efforts. \nSo for everyone to agree with enhanced security measures at the Statehouse, congressional members had to be exempt from the rules? This seems like a local version of national security policies. For our safety, we don't want other nations to have weapons of mass destruction, but it's quite alright for the United States to produce them. We demand that countries disarm, yet we boast the most advanced military power in the world. For us to be secure from attack, we simply attack first. It would seem we have a new, unspoken constitutional right: the right to ignore our own security measures, and, if needed, strike "preemptively." Don't bomb us, we'll bomb you.\nOr in the case of a few Indiana lawmakers: Leave your gun at home, but understand that I could still cap you in the head.\nAt issue is the glaring lack of trust at the core of these hypocritical exemptions. As you have likely experienced among friends, you have to demonstrate that you are trustworthy and reciprocate trust in order to build honest relationships. I can't demand that a friend meet standards that I would personally reject and then expect a healthy interaction.\nBuilding on this aspect of friendship, Danielle Allen, a political scientist from the University of Chicago, suggests that all citizens, even strangers, are "political friends" who must learn to trust one another even as we riskily demonstrate our willingness to trust each other.\nWhile they might not be our best friends forever, lawmakers are public servants who should be in the business of fostering public bonds of trust. But they're doing a pitiful job of reciprocating trust, as this firearm security exemption demonstrates at a local level.\nRather than continuing with paranoia, suspicion and fear, we would do well to cultivate trust and "political friendship." And that begins with recognizing that in public life we all have to make a few sacrifices for the greater good.\nJust don't ask state lawmakers to sacrifice their God-given right to bear arms in the Statehouse. You might get plugged -- Dick Cheney-style.
(09/28/06 2:45am)
Wanna play a game? OK, we need one illegal immigrant and a mob of angry zealots. The immigrant will run around, and everybody else will be the mob and hunt him or her down. The first to catch the immigrant wins $200 in blood money -- er, that is, cash prizes! Sounds fun, right? \nIt does to a conservative group on the University of Michigan's campus. These brainiacs who call themselves Young Americans for Freedom have stolen the idea from Michigan State University to host a holiday this week -- "Catch an Illegal Immigrant Day" -- during which a contest will take place to catch a student posing as an illegal immigrant of indeterminate nationality. How PC!\nRepublican, Democrat, Jedi: Be your political affiliations what they will, this is just plain offensive. There is no other word. Well, maybe there are a few others: hateful, ignorant, bigoted, divisive, to name a few. \nThis appears to be, though, the kind of reputation they are trying to create. The idea comes from Morgan Wilkins, an independent contractor working for the Republicans to recruit Michigan students. Wilkins has also proposed an equally humane "Fun with Guns" fiesta. This gem involves shooting cutouts of Democratic candidates with BB guns and/or paint guns. Again, sounds like a good time! The promotion of violence against real living people is just phenomenal. \n"Catch an Illegal Immigrant Day" is nothing but a publicity stunt, and, to that extent, it's working. People are up in arms over this plan, students and non-students alike. However, we are of the belief that the old adage is bogus -- there is such thing as bad publicity, and this is it. Want to give Republicans a bad name? Pull a stunt like this. You might as well hand your enemies proof that you've stolen purses from old ladies or kittens from children. \nYoung Americans for Freedom might as well call themselves the "Young Americans for Shameless Self Promotion and Deplorable Agenda-Pushing by Employing the Ever-Popular Shock-and-Outrage Technique." It may not fit on a club T-shirt, but it does fit their taste toward gags and gimmicks like a glove. At this rate, why not just say, "Catch the alien, win a keg" or "Shoot the beaner, and win 20 burritos"?\nWe fear, though, that, while this may leave other students as offended as we are, the lure of cash prizes will cause this financially vulnerable demographic to surrender their convictions, or at least their understanding that this may not be in the best taste. After all, $200 is a lot for a college student. \nSo, if you find yourself contemplating this game, manipulated by the promise of 30 pieces of silver for what seems like a little kiss, at least watch out for those "decoys" -- you know, real immigrants? The ones who came here for a better life, like most of our ancestors? They might not find the idea quite as amusing.
(09/28/06 2:43am)
A fire Wednesday on the city's northwest side put one person in the hospital with at least second-degree burns.\nThe Bloomington Fire Department was called to 1411 W. Illinois Court at about 1 p.m. When firefighters arrived on the scene, heavy smoke from a fire in the rear of the apartment building was already visible, Fire Chief Jeff Barlow said.\nOccupants had exited the building before the Bloomington Fire Department arrived. One resident suffering from severe burns was treated at the scene and transported to Bloomington Hospital, Barlow said. Bloomington Police Department Capt. Joe Qualters said the person was later transported to Wishard Hospital in Indianapolis.\nThe fire is still under investigation, but preliminary findings indicate the fire was accidental, Barlow said.\nThe victim's name has not been released.
(09/27/06 6:35pm)
Remember the Boston Tea Party? It's time to throw the tea in the harbor again.\nIf you missed the news, I'll fill you in: Our notorious athletics department, after implementing the student athletic fee and running a budget deficit for years, wants to spend $55 million that it doesn't have! \nSo who pays for most of this? You guessed it: We do! Whether it's through ticket prices, memorabilia purchases or eventual alumni donations, the current and former student body will pay. Collectively we are IU's sugar daddy. Without us, IU would be "living in a van down by the river."\nAnd yet, what do we get for this? When we raised a stink about the athletics fee, IU eventually removed it -- along with it the athletics department took away 500 student seats at basketball games and raised the price of tickets. \nWe've been told to look through rose-colored glasses and see that "athletics actually had ... a very, very good year financially," according to Kathleen McNeely, IU's executive director of Financial Management Services. So, OK - if it was such a good year, how about using some of those savings to lower ticket prices? Or maybe refund the student athletic fee? \nDon't get me wrong. I love Hoosier basketball and soccer, and coach Hep seems promising. What I find intolerable is the athletic department's cockiness regarding its financial woes. I did not sign up to be Director of Athletics Rick Greenspan's sugar daddy and foot every bill.\nThe trustees have shown that they don't give one whit what we think: They've given us no voice in the search for a new president ; they pulled our alumni coaches at Little 500 ; and they're talking about hiking tuition rates (again!). We're just a bottomless piggy bank to the athletics department. When those who pick up the tab -- the student body -- no longer have a voice, it amounts to taxation without representation.\nWith the civilized avenues closed to us, we must resort to some sort of action. We cannot boycott games; that would be treachery to our athletes. IU doesn't have a harbor, let alone any tea-bearing ships from the East India Company anchored in that harbor. It would be environmentally unfriendly to burn Rick Greenspan's office in effigy.\nIt seems to me that we are, for the moment, powerless. But it won't always be that way. When we become rich and famous alumni, guess who comes looking for our money again? I, for one, will not donate one cent to the IU Alumni Foundation, the Varsity Club or any other IU affiliate that supports the athletics department. When it comes time to donate, I'll give directly to elements of IU to which I am actually grateful and indebted: the chemistry department, African studies or the College of Arts and Sciences. But when it comes to the athletics department, I've already grudgingly given two $30 donations, and that's all it's going to get from me.\nAnd perhaps a few crates of tea dunked in the Jordan River.
(09/27/06 4:24am)
WASHINGTON -- A government agency blocked release of a report that suggests global warming is contributing to the frequency and strength of hurricanes, the journal Nature reported Tuesday.\nThe National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration disputed the Nature article, saying there was not a report but a two-page fact sheet about the topic. The information was to be included in a press kit to be distributed in May as the annual hurricane season approached, but it wasn't ready.\n"The document wasn't done in time for the rollout," NOAA spokesman Jordan St. John said in responding to the Nature article. "The White House never saw it, so they didn't block it."\nThe possibility that warming conditions may cause storms to become stronger has generated debate among climate and weather experts, particularly in the wake of the Hurricane Katrina disaster.\nIn the new case, Nature said weather experts at the NOAA -- part of the Department of Commerce -- in February set up a seven-member panel to prepare a consensus report on the views of agency scientists about global warming and hurricanes.\nAccording to Nature, a draft of the statement said that warming may be having an effect.\nIn May, when the report was expected to be released, panel chair Ants Leetmaa received an e-mail from a Commerce official saying the report needed to be made less technical and was not to be released, Nature reported.\nLeetmaa, head of NOAA's Geophysical Fluid Dynamics Laboratory in New Jersey, did not immediately respond to calls seeking comment.\nNOAA Administrator Conrad Lautenbacher is currently out of the country, but Nature quoted him as saying the report was merely an internal document and could not be released because the agency could not take an official position on the issue.\nHowever, the journal said in its online report that the study was merely a discussion of the current state of hurricane science and did not contain any policy or position statements.\nThe report drew a prompt response from Sen. Frank R. Lautenberg, D-N.J., who charged that "the administration has effectively declared war on science and truth to advance its anti-environment agenda ... the Bush administration continues to censor scientists who have documented the current impacts of global warming"
(09/27/06 4:24am)
WASHINGTON -- A plan to tighten U.S. borders by requiring passports or tamper-resistant identification cards from everyone entering the country by land from Mexico and Canada has been delayed.\nHouse and Senate lawmakers agreed to push back the program by 17 months, saying they want to make sure new ID cards being developed by the Bush administration will better secure borders against terrorists without slowing legitimate travelers from Canada and Mexico. The new ID's will be required for Americans and all others entering the U.S.\nThe delay would only apply to travelers entering the U.S. over land borders from Canada and Mexico. It would not affect travel rules for people coming into the country by airplane or boat, who will have to show their passports to customs officials as of Jan. 8, 2007, to gain entry.\nThe border crackdown was wrapped up in an overall $34.8 billion spending plan for the Homeland Security Department. The House and Senate each aim to approve it later this week, before lawmakers recess for the elections.\nThe spending bill reflects "a dramatic step forward toward making sure that our borders are secure," Sen. Judd Gregg, R-N.H., who helped negotiate the measure, said Tuesday.\nGregg added: "We still have a long way to go. Nobody is going to argue about that."\nThe massive spending bill also includes plans to:\n--Spend $1.2 billion on border fencing, vehicle barriers and technology to prevent illegal immigrants and criminals from sneaking into the country.\n--Overhaul the Federal Emergency Management Agency to give its director a direct line to the president during catastrophes, and remerge disaster preparedness planning with response missions.\n--Give the Homeland Security Department authority to shut down chemical plants that fail to meet security standards.\n--Buy nuclear detectors to scan shipping cargo, and hire more Coast Guard inspectors and customs agents at seaports.\n--Allow Americans to legally import a 90-day supply of prescription medications from Canada by carrying them back across the border, while retaining bans on importing drugs by mail or the Internet.\nLawmakers who represent states on the Canadian border have long opposed the tamperproof ID program that was urged by the 9/11 Commission. They fear the plans will slow cross-border commerce with Canada -- the largest trading partner of the U.S. -- and scare away tourists.\nCurrently, border crossers need only a picture ID card, like a driver's license, and a birth certificate to get into the United States. Neither document would be accepted under the proposed rules because they can be easily forged.\nInstead, the administration is seeking to require border crossers to show passports or a cheaper alternative, dubbed a "PASS" card, that is still being designed. But technology to read the cards, as well as security standards to make sure they work, is not ready. The congressional agreement worked out Monday night would delay the program until June 2009.\n"This has been shaping up as a train wreck in slow motion," Sen. Patrick Leahy, D-Vt., said Tuesday. "Poor planning and premature implementation of this system could clog our borders while making us even less secure."\nHomeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff told Congress Tuesday he would consider permitting travelers to use alternative forms of ID, such as driver's licenses, if they are improved to prevent tampering or other forgeries.\n"Our interest here is in an efficient and inexpensive, but nevertheless reliable, form of identification that achieves the recommendation of the 9/11 Commission," Chertoff told the House Homeland Security Committee.\nDemocrats said the spending plan doesn't go far enough and called for more money for emergency responders and ports, as well as stronger protections at chemical plants.\n"We need to do all that we can to protect this country, and I don't think this bill does that," said Rep. Marion Berry, D-Ark.
(09/27/06 4:23am)
LOCKWOOD VALLEY, Calif. -- Fire trucks, bulldozers and water tankers guarded homes within sight of a massive wildfire Tuesday as officials urged rural residents of Southern California mountain communities to evacuate.\nThick smoke turned the sky gray and purplish as flames roiled through pines and juniper trees on slopes of Los Padres National Forest, where more than 3,500 firefighters have battled the blaze since it started on Labor Day.\nNo homes had been lost to the fire, one of the largest and longest-burning wildfires in state history, burning some 70 miles northwest of Los Angeles. Overall, containment was just 43 percent.\nAuthorities recommended evacuation of Lockwood Valley, Pinon Pines, Pine Mountain Club and Lake of the Woods -- remote Ventura County communities arrayed along roads west of Interstate 5.\nWind-whipped flames jumped a road during the day, said U.S. Forest Service fire spokesman Larry Comerford.\n"It sounded like a jet engine," Forest Service firefighter Greg Valencia said of a towering wall of flame he saw blow past a home, leaving it unscathed.\nWater- and retardant-dropping helicopters and aircraft attacked the flames from the sky. On the ground, crews staged equipment at the widely spaced homes for structure protection. At almost every house there was at least one engine and a few firefighters clearing brush, hosing down roofs and decks. A bulldozer plowed a firebreak around one home.\nBits of ash fell from the sky.\nThe new fire activity was a surprise setback for firefighters. The blaze that had been moving relatively slowly with the dying of weekend Santa Ana winds that had the potential to greatly spread flames but did not.\nThe blaze, which has burned more than 143,100 acres -- 223 square miles -- of wilderness, was ignited by someone burning debris. Firefighting costs have topped $41 million.\nGov. Arnold Schwarzenegger has declared a state of emergency for Ventura County. The move clears the way for government assistance with costs related to the fire.
(09/27/06 3:44am)
Tread lightly, Condi\nJacob Stewart\nRice is correct in her assessment of the situation in Lebanon. It is absolutely necessary that the United Nations accomplish the task of maintaining peace and order in the Middle East, and the mandate is wide enough for Unifil to do so effectively. Setting up security checkpoints and detaining suspects -- activities Unifil has not initiated -- might be necessary as a means to that end. \nThat said, Rice might have erred slightly in the expounding of her analysis, which is in opposition to those "on the ground" in Lebanon. The United Nations is the institution through which the United States can affect Middle East tensions without dispatching its own military forces in the area. Perhaps there is a good reason why Unifil needs Lebanese authorization to get involved in the aforementioned kind of peacekeeping. Rice might be right, but there is still time to operate in Unifil's manner and see if it is successful.
(09/27/06 3:37am)
Throwing good money after bad\nKirk Nathanson\nJocks are notoriously bad at managing money: Give them a multimillion-dollar budget plus endorsement deals, and you've got a recipe for disaster. \nConventional wisdom says a business needs to spend money to make money, conveniently neglecting to mention that raking up too much debt will, inevitably, ruin you. The planned stadium complex will drive an already debt-ridden organization further into the red. Right now, $7.2 million might not seem like lot now, compared to say, the national debt (a resounding $8,490,627,883,390.58), but consider just how much worse it will be when ground is broken.\nAt a board of trustees meeting last Friday, the athletics department defended the proposal, which was unanimously approved, by arguing that other Big Ten schools have been systematically improving their facilities and claiming that IU is falling dangerously behind the trend. . So what? If the Big Ten schools were building international airports to attract foreigners and diversity, would Bloomington need one, too? \nAlthough the new stadium complex will be paid for through donations and media revenue, the available funds will only cover the projected cost. Inevitably, unforeseen problems, which plague every construction project, will push up both the cost of the new facilities and the building time. Once construction is finally complete -- five to 15 years from now -- the new facilities will require just as much maintenance as the old ones, sucking up huge amounts of electricity, water and gas to operate. The administration established athletic fees during better days; with these added costs, it doesn't seem unreasonable to predict a $100 athletics fee in the near future. \nMoreover, the University should not be condoning fiscal irresponsibility. We can spend $55 million, first on eliminating the current (and excessive) debt, and second on media promotions and incentives to attend campus sporting events. If more students attended more events, the new stadiums might be worth the cost and confusion, but they don't. \nA sports team is defined by its record, not by its stadium.\nThe bedrock beneath The Rock isn't sinking, the bleachers aren't crumbling and the spot lights still shine. There's still plenty of life left in the facilities we have.
(09/27/06 3:25am)
Everyone's retirement plan features an asterisk that points to "win the lottery." Last week's lucky winner no longer has to worry about her 401(k) or how much she is paying into Social Security. In fact, assuming the winner doesn't blow it all, she won't have to work another day in her life.\nAfter throwing a temper tantrum like the bratty, immature know-it-alls that we are, the members of the Indiana Daily Student editorial board briefly entertained the idea of fire-bombing the lottery headquarters for not selecting at random the most deserving of all Bloomington residents: us. We were all set to go when we realized we didn't have protective eyewear. \nSo instead of lobbing a Molotov cocktail at the ticket factory, we thought: What would we do with $11 million? First order of business, money fight: 11 million one-dollar bills raked into enormous piles of loot like rich uncle Scrooge McDuck. But with all that cash lying around, we would need security. Uncle Scrooge wasn't about to leave his vault unguarded knowing Flintheart Glomgold and his ilk were devising dastardly schemes to steal his gold.\nSo we would build a moat around the Fortress, er, um, Ernie Pyle Hall. Now it's not enough just to have a 50-feet trench. It's going to need to be filled with genetically enhanced man-eating hyena-shark hybrids, "killers of the shallow muddy ditch." \nThen we got to thinking: While we're fortifying IDS HQ, we ought to throw around obscene amounts of money to lavishly redesign the interior. As if there weren't enough flat-screen TVs in there already, we'd go ahead and install as many as the circuit breakers permit. Moving sidewalks with a complimentary puppy dog, heated toilet seats, a bidet, a panda preserve and a brewery would be installed as well.\nExcessive? Nonsense!\nWe deserve this. Coming up with selfish wastes of money is exhausting work. \nWe columnists might be celebrities -- nay, heroes -- on campus, but we're trying to break onto the national scene. No, this completely hypothetical money hasn't gone to our heads. We were celebrities -- nay, heroes -- on campus long before we didn't win the lottery. As such, we intend to buy a 30-second spot during the Super Bowl: "I just won $11 million. Hi, Mom!"\nBy the way, who do we have to bribe to change Pluto back to a planet? \nOnce we've seen to our own needs, we'll start reaching out to the community. Most notably, reaching out to the West Lafayette community with bulldozers and wrecking cranes. As soon as the authorities clear out the stragglers, IU can start work on a new satellite campus -- a step in the right direction to be sure.\nAlso, fireworks for all! There's no wrong time to set off a small explosive -- only wrong places. Hats, too. No point in giving out fireworks if students aren't going to look festive. \nWe've told you what we would do, now send in your own ideas on how the lucky winner should spend her money at letters@indiana.edu.
(09/27/06 3:21am)
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